Skyline Angel

Going Defunc?

2007-02-04T15:49:00.000+08:00

Well, so it ends... My blog, I mean.

I'm really thinking of going defunc, given that I rarely update, and nobody reads. The only thing keeping me from deleting my blog is the fact that it's lasted me two years already, and I don't want to delete all those memories. But I don't know... And it's not like anyone can comment, given the blasted format of my blog layout. >_<

So, it is most likely that while my blog shall languish on the Internet, holding the fragmented memories of two years within its HTML coding... The skyline angel has moved on, leaving these feathers free to float on their own.

Thanks to everyone who cared enough to read my blog. I'm not so sure if I can update it anymore, though. Thanks anyway! Love you all!

-- the skyline angel is taking off for the last time.

p.s. continue finding her feathers at Even Angels Fall.

A Song for Me...?

2006-12-11T16:49:00.000+08:00

While basking in my RENT addiction (yes, naadik na naman ako! Nuuuu!), I found a song that really shook me. It was sung by the character Mark Cohen, an aspiring film director. The words of the song were like the thoughts that spun in my mind many many times. It sounded just like... well, me. Me, a lost little girl who cowardly hides behind the lens of her battered camera.

Halloween -- Rent Soundtrack

How did we get here?
How the hell...
Pan left - Close on the steeple of the church

How did I get here?
How the hell...
Christmas

Christmas Eve - last year
How could a night so frozen
Be so scalding hot?
How can a morning this mild
Be so raw?

Why are entire years strewn
On the cutting toom floor of memory
When single frames from one magic night
Forever flicker in close-up
On the 3D Imax of my mind?

That's poetic
That's pathetic

Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door?
And Collins choose that phone booth
Back where Angel set up his drums?
Why did Maureen's equipment break down?

Why am I the witness?
And when I capture it on film
Will it mean that it's the end
And I'm alone?

~~ Eruanne
current mood: lonely
current music: Halloween -- RENT Soundtrack

2006-10-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

I finally have an internet connection. Yay. :D

Post-perio week has left me with lots of worries, angst, and depression. I always feel so left out and unwanted. I know I should be more grateful for what I have, but... I don't know... Why is it that the people who act undeserving of their blessings still have them?

so, just to make myself feel better... i'll post some stuff that made me happy this week. this blog is more than just an outlet, more than just some site where people can laugh at a little girl's ramblings... this blog is also what i like to call my gratitude box.

7 THINGS THAT MADE ME HAPPY / THAT I AM THANKFUL FOR THE PAST 7 DAYS:
1. I have a pretty good standing in Soc Sci 2. A+ for the TXV, A for the major essay, A for participation, and B for the perio. Not that great, but all right for a stressed pathetic sophomore.
2. I passed my algebra perio, and I passed my first quiz of the third quarter. Ang shallow ko, noh? But given that this is my warning subject, and my weakest one, and the one that I put a ton of effort in to just pass, getting a passing grade is something I should be grateful for.
3. I passed all my periodicals. 'Nuff said. I'm a low aimer, I know, but I can't afford any higher.
4. A very good friend of mine trusts me. Nothing makes me feel better than knowing that someone can trust his feelings and secrets to me, confident that I won't reveal them. And I won't.
5. I'm isolated for the TXV Project. It sounds bad, but it means that my writing and artwork are good enough that Sir Martin thinks I can get through it on my own.
6. My Pandora's Box was locked up and stilled. It was shaking and struggling at me for the better part of the week. With the help from friends and God, I was able to push it away and lock it with a stronger lock.
7. Someone cares. I don't know who, but I can feel that there is someone. That's all I need to know.

At least I'm succeeding, somewhat, in my quest to be more grateful.

And just a preview, in Soc Sci we made some sort of code of honor. When I finish revising and cleaning it up, I'll post it here.

Take care!

~~ Eruanne
current mood: grateful
current music: Wham -- Wake Me Up Before You Go Go

Stressed Out

2006-09-23T16:45:00.000+08:00

Gwah, I barely have time to update... Ang daming kailangan gawin e! They clearly weren't kidding when they said that sophomore year being loaded with work was an understatement. We have major requirements in almost every subject, most of them due on the same week. God! What are they trying to do to us? Kill us?? Kasi kung ganun, malapit-lapit na... >_<

Things aren't all up and great with regards to my schoolwork. Despite passing four out of five quizzes in Algebra, I still flunked both long tests. Chemistry is murder. And do I have to elaborate just how much work I have to do in all the other subjects??? God, it's bad enough living through them once.

Not that it's all work and no play. Things are still fun. I celebrated my 15th birthday last Tuesday, September 19. I didn't do any party-ish whatever-ness (not even a pizza delivery), but it was still memorable, in a weird way. I got hit by soccer balls on my head and nape more than once (third time lucky, huh?), and Ingrid nearly drowned me in the 10-ft pool during P.E. (I know I resemble that stick that Sir Duliesco uses to pull out the beginners in swimming, given my stature and body shape, but honestly, she totally treated me like it, including shoving me under the water repeatedly), and other such experiences.

I've become closer with Camia, particularly the dormers. I absolutely love my roommates: Kate, Ingrid, and Inna. I've also become better friends with the other members of the Belsha Fan Club. I've become fond of some of the guy dormers, namely Jasper, Tram, Raymond, Dem, and Richard. They're so fun to hang out with! They're my soccer buddies, math tutors, and good friends. I've also become good friends with DR, Gian, Je, and Carmel. Yes, to those Woodrose people who still check my blog, Carmel. She's not bad anyway. :P

However, that doesn't mean I've forgotten my old friends. I still keep in touch regularly with Sir Joey, Mike, Yana, Patti Cor, etc. I miss spending time with them every day, but seeing them once in a while keeps me happy and sane.

Good luck to me. Hell Week has just finished, and I now know I am so accustomed to all-nighters that I can go for two days without sleep and still debate with Jasper on whether "sphinx" can be spelled as "sphynx". :)

-- Eruanne
current mood: STRESSED!
current music: Skyline Pigeon - Elton John

Woe Due to Grades

2006-09-03T16:01:00.000+08:00

Long time no post, huh? Gah, I am so tired... I just got my grades and I feel like killing myself na... That is, if all the pressures and requirements during [in]Humanities Week haven't already offed me already. >_<

I received my card na... RAAAAARR. 'Nuff said.
Here are my stupid grades:
Biology 1 - 2.00
(I can't believe that I got this low... Bio was my best subject in Woodrose! >___<)
Chemistry 1 - 2.25
(Ditto with Chem... I used to be really good at it! But of course, math just HAD to rear its ugly head in the form of dimensional analyses, and pull down my grade. And stupid lab reps. Aaaagh. Kaninong kasalan kaya yun???)
Physics 1 - 2.00
(Whoa, I got higher in Physics than in Chem?? Still low, though, thanks to math...)
Mathematics 2 - 2.50
(YES THANK YOU LORD, I PASSED GEOMETRY!!!!!! ... 'Nuff said.)
Mathematics 3 - 3.00
(Stupid *bleep bleep bleep* algebra. And to think that if only I had gotten 1.6 more points on my periodical, I would have passed. 1.6 POINTS!!!!! AAAAAAGH!!!!)
Computer Science 2 - 1.50
(I'm very surprised I got this high in Com Sci... It's programming, after all, which I suck at...)
English 2 - 1.25
(My remaining bit of bragging rights... At least I'm not going down in the subject which is practically high-grade-compulsary to any self-respecting ex-Woodrose student...)
Filipino 2 - 1.75
(Another wow, because I have never gotten higher than a 2.00 in Filipino...)
Social Science 2 - 1.50
(Wow, in Asian Studies... It's actually a pretty good grade, really... Thank God...)
PEHM 2 - 1.00
(My one and only 1.00 for this quarter... Thanks to my being badminton champion in the girls...)
Values Education 2 - 1.75
(Obvious why... Caught in the transistion from essays to objective chuchu...)
Art 2 - 1.25
(Gwah, personally, I think I deserve higher than this... That blackboard-sized 3-D mural of Monet's Water Lillies was not at all easy to make...)
Environmental Science 1 - 1.25
(The one subject where I'm too lazy to take notes... Which is why I got this durn grade...)

GWA: 1.7857

I couldn't even reach my goal of 1.7 and above... I am so pathetic. And now, I'm stressing myself out for Humanities Week... I don't know why Camia even bothers to listen to my instructions for the English and Filipino presentations; I am such a pathetic, low-class-standing reject. Maybe it's because I have to scream to get myself heard.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: pathetic, inferior
current music: sad chords I'm currently strumming on my guitar...

She Continued to Write

2006-07-14T22:43:00.000+08:00

Mahabang post 'to! Wala lang, this was the result of a big-time inferiority complex when I was completing my English project. i just really felt that my writing was horrible. After talking to a whole lot of people about it, I changed my mind and I was really inspired to write this down. Yes, I know it sucks, but I cannot be blamed for things I write in my moments of inspiration. Get used to it!

This is dedicated to all those who helped me grow as a writer: my family, friends, and schoolmates. Many thanks and lots of love especially to the following: Gushi, for being my best friend and standing by me always, Kate, my "wife", Usagi-chan, and writer companion who always gave me support in my writing, and Sir Joey, Kajoey-kun, my English 1 teacher who guided me through writing and through life, and still continues to.

Okay, on with the stupidity! ^^

~~ She Continued To Write ~~

There once was a girl who wanted to write. Ever since she was little, she wanted to write. She was young and hopeful, so when she decided she wanted to write, she did. She wrote everywhere; on yellow pads, tissue papers, and receipts. She wrote everything she felt and everything that entered her mind. Her parents cooed with pride over her whenever she showed her work, and they told all their friends that they had a brilliant budding writer for a daughter. And the girl was absolutely happy.She continued to write.

Her writer's spirit grew with her writing.

The girl grew older, and she went to kindergarten. She began writing more stories and poems, and her teachers were very proud of her. They put little stamps on her stories, tacked her poetry to the classroom wall, and hung blue ribbons on her work. Her classmates loved her, and she was treated like a princess when it came to writing. And the girl was very happy.
She continued to write.

She continued to open new doors in her soul as she wrote more and more.

The girl grew older, and she went to primary school. She wrote more and more. Her teachers were still very happy with her writing, but her classmates were not. They sometimes criticized her work, and made fun of her when she made mistakes. The girl was taken aback and rather confused with all of it, for it was the first time someone had not liked her writings. But her parents and teachers explained to her that she was still a good writer, and criticism was given to her in order to help her grow into a better writer. The girl took it all in, understood it, and accepted it. And the girl was quite happy.
She continued to write.

Her maturity as a person as a writer increased as well.

The girl grew older, and she went to elementary school. She wrote more and more and more, but this time, her teachers did not show such pride and joy in her works. There was a lot of competition, and there were many more experienced writers. Comments by her teachers became a common thing on her papers, always scrawled in bright red ink. For the girl, seeing that bright angry ink scrawled across her painstakingly written words was like having her own pen stabbed back at her. Also, this time, her classmates did not like her work at all. Their criticism was harsh and often. The girl struggled to believe that this was all to help her become a better writer, but it was difficult to do so. Sometimes, when the criticism was just too much for her to take, in the silence of her heart and of her room surrounded with her papers, she would weep bitterly for her wasted words, words that no one appreciated any longer. But she kept writing nonetheless. And the girl was fairly happy.
She continued to write.

But not really.

For the first time, the girl began to force herself to write the way she always had. For the first time, writing was not for her pleasure anymore. The girl saw the works of her peers, and she began to feel inferior to them. Their works were brilliant and unique, and the teachers adored them. But her own works were viewed as dull and typical, and the teachers ignored them. The girl now struggled to keep up, and made herself write. She tried to write on yellow pads, tissue papers, and receipts again, whenever she felt like it, but she threw these out in her anger at herself. And in her heart, the feelings of inferiority began to grow. After a while, she could not enjoy writing anymore. And the girl was no longer happy.
She continued to write.

Or tried to, anyway.

The girl grew older, and she went to high school. She fought to keep writing, but in her mind she felt that she was fighting a losing battle. She was surrounded by so many writers, writers who were good at their skill and were praised for it. Feelings of jealousy, competition, and even more inferiority tangled themselves in her heart like poison ivy, and her writing spirit was poisoned with it as well. She began to hate her own writing, and would crumple up her work in self-disgust. She fought to be just as good as her peers, but somehow she believed that she could never be. In vain, she thought, she read countless books and attended advanced creative writing classes. Her professor was great and her classmates very skilled. She would have found them an inspiration, but instead she felt low and stupid. She cringed whenever she was called to read out loud her work. She hid her feelings behind a facade of aloofness and loud humor. But she wept tears of frustration late at night, in the lamplight gloom where she sat with pen in hand and paper on desk. Her tears dotted her words and made them blurry and strange, much like the darkness that was slowly seeping through her. And the girl was very much not happy.
She continued to write.

But not for much longer.

After a while, the girl stopped writing altogether. She could no longer feel joy at the soft scratching sounds of pen against paper, at the ability to give thoughts and ideas and feelings form on a physical level. She felt lifeless without her writing, but she felt lonely with it. She was tired of trying to be the best, pushing against a wall that she felt she could never move. She no longer shed tears nor struggled. She had given up the fight. And the girl was clearly not happy.
She no longer continued to write.

Her soul felt cold with apathy and her heart froze with indifference.

The girl grew a few days older, but in her eyes life was long and dreary. There was no feeling in her life without her writing. But on one fateful day, a thought entered her mind, as all her other thoughts did. But this thought was different. It was a thought that needed to be written down. The girl felt a strange feeling coursing through her tired soul. It was a feeling she felt long ago, when she had still happily scrawled on yellow pads, tissue papers, and receipts. But her stubborn mind commanded her not to pick up her pen and get her thoughts down. She was afraid to be hurt by her own writing, like she had been so many times in her past life, a life where she wrote. To pick up her pen once more was to return to that life. She wanted to take the risk, but was afraid that she would fall. And the girl was not happy.
She no longer continued to write.

But feeling, thoughts, and doubts persisted.
The girl could not stop the feelings coursing through her being. She felt like she was being burned from the inside out, but the burning felt warm. It was like a welcoming flame melting the protective ice she built around what used to be her writer's spirit. And so, after days of battling within herself, the flame burned through the ice at last. She picked up her pen, touched it to paper, and wrote. Feelings of uncertainty and fear flooded through the cracks that the flame had burned, but strange joy came with it as well. And the girl was a bit happy.
She slowly but surely continued to write.

Time started to pass more quickly as her pen fluttered over the paper.

The girl was learning how to write all over again. She learned from her past, from her parents, friends and teachers who stayed with her all the way, from her life. Her fingers shook, her paper was rumpled from constant erasures, the ink spattered over the paper due to her shaky hands, and her handwriting was almost illegible. But she was learning. And the more she wrote, the more she learned. She realized that her fears and her comparisons to others had stilled her writing spirit, and her writing with it. She thought, if only she had overcome her fears earlier, perhaps she would not have been this lonely now. When she lost her love for writing, her ability to write had been lost as well. When her writing became forced, her writing was no longer what it was. It was harsh and strange, learning all these things once more. But the girl had been awoken from her slumber, and she resolutely scrawled her resurrected words onto the paper. And the girl was kind of happy.
She slowly but surely continued to write.

Her writing spirit returned, and so did her courage.

Finally, she dotted one last i and crossed one last t, and then she put down her pen. She had filled several pages with her words, and feelings of relaxation and satisfaction crossed her heart. She smiled at her words for the first time after many a full moon. Her fears were gone at last, and she could write with joy again. She wrote everywhere once more: on yellow pads, tissue papers, and receipts. She wrote down everything she felt and everything that entered her mind. But she always returned to the first story she wrote after her slumber. It was this story. As she reread her words, her writer's spirit seemed to soar, and all her past demons fell away, leaving only freedom. And the girl was finally happy.
She continued to write.

As I continue to, until now, and as I will forever.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: thoughtful, inspired
current music: I'll Remember by Madonna (don't ask me why... biglang the song just popped into my head)

Camia 09, So Far...

2006-07-02T14:15:00.000+08:00

This is my 69th post! Hahahaha... wala lang....

I've been finding it so hard to find a time to update my blogs... I've just been so busy kasi e... Ang hirap.. Gaaah, they weren't kidding when they said second year was damn hard...

Not that it's all work and no play. Camia 09 is great, and we have lots of fun together. We seem to have a great amount of class unity, and we don't have much divisions between us... It's a welcome change from the stereotypes of last year. One of the really great things about Camia is that we share everything... it's disturbing sometimes (think green here), but it's cool... Cuz while we're all struggling with schoolwork, we find a way to make it funny anyway. Neat, huh? I hope I don't do anything stupid to mess things up.

See what I mean? We can make anything bearable, be it wet (yes, WET) Biology work in the creek or truckloads of difficult homework *coughMATHcough*. We can even make it more than bearable, as evidenced in English storybook writing ("Donde esta el sanitorio?"), Filipino discussions on Jose Rizal for the umpteenth time (Harharharr...), and so much more. I love my class! Thanks so much, Camia!

Given what I just wrote here, I can conclude something now (wehh, geom inductive reasoning...). With classmates like mine, I think I can get through second year with my grades intact.

I'm not too sure about my sanity, though. ^^

~~ Eruanne
current mood: tired but happy
current music: that Sesame Street song that Sir Martin used in Soc Stud! ("Who are the people in your neighborhood? In your neighborhood? In your neighborhood...")

Prelude to the Upcoming School Year...

2006-06-07T21:42:00.000+08:00

Prelude to the Upcoming School Year...

Whoa, I have not updated in a good long time! And, sadly, I probably won't for an even longer stretch of time... School will start once more in less than 6 days, and I'll be back in the dorm (Yay for the dorm, though!), so I have NO access to internet, and thus, my beloved blog. *sob*

I went to the SOP (Sophomore Orientation Program) today. I now feel doubly excited and anxious for second year to start. I have very high hopes for my section, II-Camia... Among those with me there are Kate, Belsha, Ingrid, Koko, Gian, DR, John (Bacungan), Mae, Carmel... Quite a good mix, in my opinion. Just enough of my friends to make me feel at home, and just enough new people for me to befriend this school year! *cheers*

Of course, I shall miss my other friends who are scattered in the other sections... Ricky (Sampaguita), Prissy (Ilang-Ilang), Jiggs (Jasmin), Quintin (Dahlia), Sir Joey (no longer my teacher), Sir Jude (ditto), Yana (Ilang-Ilang), Mike (Sampaguita), Patti Cor (Adelfa), Zal (Rosal) and Vince, Neon, and Jut (all Champaca), just to name a few (yes, that's a few!).
It will be odd not seeing them in the vicinity of the classroom, or in the room next to mine, but I'm happy knowing that they're still in Pisay, sharing the burden of sophomore-hood (??) with me. *sigh* It makes me miss my other friend who, sadly, did not make it to second year. Miss ya, Khail! *sniffle*

I feel VERY anxious, but also very excited about my subjects. I took note of most of them and their curriculums, but as is typical of absent-minded me, I forgot to note down who some of my teachers are. *grins sheepishly* Ah well.

For once, I am looking forward to Social Studies. It's about Asia this time, and that in itself is damn interesting enough. However, I was also very lucky to get a really good teacher of this subject, Sir Martin! *woot*
Biology, Chemistry, and Physics look very tricky, yet very interesting as well. It's a plus that I get Sir Seg as my Chem teacher, and Sir Angeles (YAY!) as my Physics teacher!
Filipino also surprisingly looks, if not fun, manageable. El Fili is looking interesting, and we get to do tons of cute projects! Bonus there! *cheers*
And Computer Science is definitely looking up! The year's lessons (mainly programming) are really interesting, and the teacher is fun, and our batch advisor, too!

Sounds fun, ne? But, as my classmate Gian told me today, you win some, you lose some. There are lows to second year academics, as I found today. *cringe*

Naturally, Algebra and Geometry are my main worries. The lessons are actually quite interesting, the teachers are promising, and there are a lot of cool activities in store (especially the Geometry art works!), but all this cannot assure a good grade in this poor subject of mine. My horrid aptitude in Math is what way sucks here. I clearly have to make good efforts in this subject in order to gain that coveted 1.50 on my final grade (my goal for the year; is it realistic or not?). *prays hard for guidance and strength to get through math!*
And most surprisingly, I'm not too excited for English, either. Don't get me wrong, the teacher sounds experienced and smart. But given our curriculum and the seriousness of the requirements, the subject is definitely less fun and more demanding than the past English class I enjoyed last year. *sigh*

Most importantly, my current academic status isn't that great either. *groan* I have to keep a good standing throughout the year, or else. I really don't want to think about it, but it's in my face all the time. It's obvious how it will affect my lifestyle, because from now on majority of my breaks will be spent in the library or consulting with my teachers. *sigh* I also can't be an officer in any school org, and I have to limit my extracurriculars. Seeing how important this is, I have really made some changes in my lifestyle to accommodate this. I have set priorities and fixed up my time management, and I narrowed my extracurriculars down to, hopefully, just Himig, AstroSoc, and SS-LL. It's not much, but it's a start to improvement.

But so what? The pros seem to outweigh, or at least balance, the cons. It's all part of second year life. It's the year where, as our batch adviser put it, they "weed" out those who are not fit to continue studying in Pisay. Sounds harsh, but it's true. I intend to stay here, and therefore I have to work for it. I'm ready for the challenge and I welcome it.

The music of life keeps playing no matter what, and mine has changed its tune from a light-hearted, summery beat, to a more serious school-ish melody. It's time for some major changes, basically. The change is gearing me up for the experiences ahead. I know that, no matter how hard or trying it will be, my 2nd year in Philippine Science High School will be one that will be most memorable.

And that thought is enough to shake off my pre-sophomore fears and anxieties, push my shoulders back, lift up my head and proudly take on the responsibility of a Pisay sophomore student.

So it's Second year... Sophomore year... suffer-more year, huh? Bring it on!

~~ Eruanne
current mood: determined
current music: Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson (Damn right! 'I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly... I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky...')

Freedom, Beauty, Truth, Love: Moulin Rouge!

2006-05-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

I found a new fave movie this summer... as you may know if you read my last entry. It's a movie released in 2001: 20th Century Fox's Moulin Rouge, starring Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor. In this musical-turned-movie, a poet falls in love with a beautiful courtesan whom an insanely jealous duke covets in this stylish musical, with music drawn from familiar 20th century sources. Just a warning, this movie has some sexual concepts, which is why I did not discover this movie until this summer, when I had a better understanding of such concepts.

But anyway, this movie was absolutely amazing! It has a thrilling plot, wonderful script, skilled actors, and best of all... spectacular music! It used some old songs that we know, along with some new ones. My favorites were Your Song, Come What May, and El Tango de Roxanne. You really have to watch it and experience the magic yourself to realize just how cool it is!

I'm no movie critic, so I'll just refer you to reliable IMDb's site for its official summary, reviews, info, and comments... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0203009/

Just trust me on this... this musical-turned-movie is absolutely 'spectacular spectacular'!

~~ Eruanne

current mood: impressed

current mood: El Tango de Roxanne from Moulin Rouge!

Addictions

2006-05-23T17:01:00.000+08:00

I've found so many "addictions" this summer... Woohoo! (No, nothing life-threatening, believe me... :D)

I've fallen to my anime addiction again... Anime was something I sort of abandoned at around grade 5, given that that was when I became kind of serious about studying and stuff (Yes, I was a nerd). This summer, I got addicted to Card Captor Sakura, Full Metal Alchemist and Fushigi Yuugi. Whee, they're all so kawaii!! *fangirl squeal*

I've gotten an addiction to guitar, too, as is obvious by my blogskin. :D It's the first time I've mastered an instrument that I love enough to practice. I'm sorry, but no theraphy or medications will be enough to get rid of this addiction. *happily strums guitar*

I have an addiction to some new media, too. I've gotten totally addicted to Neil Gaiman's The Sandman (Death and Dream are so cool!!), the YouTube website (yesh, finally, a place to watch rare stuff without paying!), and the movie Moulin Rouge (soooo sweet... *sob*). I've also gotten an addiction to OPM music, given that they finally are looking up! (GO HALE!)

Some addictions in life are so not good, but I have to say, the addictions I picked up this summer are some pretty darn good ones. I don't see myself quitting them any time soon.

More quizzy thingies...

2006-05-20T13:41:00.000+08:00

I got this from Yana's blog...

Name 20 people you know...
1. gushi
2. yana
3. vince
4. kate
5. neon
6. patticor
7. mike
8. jut
9. belsha
10. kuya jowi
11. ate drea
12. ate yela
13. ate paula
14. quintin
15. khail
16. ricky
17. prissy
18. zal
19. jiggs
20. sir joey

Then fill this out according to the people you choose...

1. Who is 8 going out with?
ate ix.

2. Is 9 a boy or a girl?
girl.

3. Would 11 and 2 make a cute couple?
WTH?????? nuuu... they're both girls, and they don't know each other anyway.
4
. How about 18 and 4?
ooh, possibly!

5. What grade is 17 in?
incoming second year high school.

6. When was the last time you talked to 12?
face-to-face, a month ago.

7. What is 6's favorite band?
eh, i dunno.

8. Does 1 have any siblings?
yush. 4 of them.

9. Would you ever date 3?
uhm. no comment.

10. Would you ever date 7?
i wish.

11. Is 16 single?
yep.

12. What is 15's last name?
carlos.

13. What is 5's middle name?
berza? basta, it starts with b.

14. What is 10's fantasy?
i dunno, owning a house with a huge room filled with nothing but the latest cameras?

15. Would 14 and 19 make a good couple?
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!

16. What school does 20 go to?
done with school already, but he was ateneo all the way.

17. Tell me a random fact about 11.
she has a sort-of boyfriend.

18. And 1.
she plays the flute, as well as a number of other instruments.

19. Have you ever had a crush on 16?
yesh.

20. Where does 9 live?
i dunno... somewhere in the philippines

21. What's 4's favorite color?
i don't know rin...

22. Would you makeout with 14?
EEW! NO!

23. Are 5 and 6 best friends?
not really... close friends anyway.

24. Does 7 like 20?
as a friend and student, yes. the other way... huh...

25. Does 8 like 19?
as a friend, i guess. the other way is VERY questionable.

26. How did you meet 15?
classmates kami!

27. Does 10 have any pets?
i dunno.

28. Is 12 older than you?
yes.

29. Is 1 the sexiest person?
i wouldn't call her sexy cuz she hates being called stuff like that, but she definitely is quite pretty.

30. Have you ever given 13 a hug?
yup.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: amused
current music: Push the Button by Sugababes

New Blog Layout...

2006-05-19T09:44:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone! Like I said, I would be changing my blogskin soon... Well, the time has come!

I changed my blogskin from its old "Lonely Me" layout to a new "Rock It" layout... Mostly in honor of my new addiction, the guitar. But also to represent the new and improved me. Some time ago, I used to be so down and all... but no longer! I am now a happy funkeh rocker! Hehehehe.... :)

Sorry about the font... I'm trying to fix it nga e. If there's anyone who knows how, please leave a comment or something on how to fix it! Please? Thanks!

Rock on, everyone! (While you can... summer's already half over...)

~~ Eruanne
current mood: happy, funkeh!
current music: Sugod by Sandwich ('Rock and roll hanggang umaga!!')

Random Thoughts (heh, couldn't think of a title e)

2006-05-06T14:40:00.000+08:00

Heya... himala, I finally updated! Wala lang, just to show that I am still relatively
alive... Kasi naman e, nagloloko ung bwsit na internet connection, and blogger does not want to cooperate in the rare times I can go OL... Anyway...

I'll be changing my blog layout soon... I really adore this lonely blogskin, but I dunno, I want to try something new... So expect a change of blogskin in the upcoming month or so! :)

It's amazing how a new interest or two can take your mind off loneliness and such. I found new obsessions in playing my guitar, in the lost interest of french knitting, in writing fanfiction, in the watching and making of fandom music videos, and in watching animes such as Card Captor Sakura, Fushigi Yuugi, Tsubasa Chronicle, Inuyasha, and the like. It's such that I don't even think about my loss (you would all know this, so I won't bother explaining). I guess keeping busy really does help, ne?

I really miss a lot of people... Pisay people, of course, and some of my other friends from other schools and places. I can't help but realize how fortunate I was to have made it to Pisay, and actually manage to stay in Pisay.

Which is saying something, because my terrible Math grade nearly cost me a spot in the next year and the title of being a sophomore. It shows that I didn't really focus throughout the year, because during fourth quarter, when I went through a lot of changes and put practically my entire being into pulling up my grades, my fourth quarter GPA is the highest among all four quarters. Grabe, kung ganitong kapangit na ang grades ko sa freshie year ko lang, paano pa sa sophie year ko???

I don't know, I feel really uncertain from time to time on my feelings for this upcoming
school year. It's second year, sophomore year - the year with the most units and the least breaks, the year where some achieve and others break, the year of changes and challenges - I have good reason to be worried. Seeing how poorly I have performed in my freshman year, just the mere thought of the subject matter I will be tackling in less than two months' time is enough to make me shudder. It's not mere coincidence why 'sophomore' sounds very much like 'suffer more'.

There's also the question of who my classmates, and hopefully my dorm roommates, will be. I did not do too well in the dormmates category, given that there was a sort of cold war between me and my roommates. I loved them terribly, but there was just too much difference between us to work things through. That, and add my not-so-great health, was enough for me to pull out of the dorm for the rest of fourth quarter. I really am praying that, if I can return to the dorm this year, I will not cause my roommates such problems, and that we can get along.

I also am unsure about my classmates. I surely will miss Topaz, no matter how hellish my experience was with them. Heck, I had fun, didn't I? That was enough to help me get through whatever trials they threw at me. I hope that I get my Topaz best friends (you know who you are, too!) as classmates once more this year, and that I also get my good friends from the other sections (yep, you should know who you are), so that my sophomore year in Pisay will not only be fruitful, but fun as well.

Okay, I think I've pondered enough for one post. I will see you guys soon... Chika tayo 'pag enrollment na, 'kay? I miss you all so much!

~~ Eruanne
current mood: thoughtful, missing my friends! (guys, magkita naman tayo sana!) current music: Platinum from Card Captor Sakura (I told you I was obsessed with it)

Loner

2006-04-03T18:44:00.000+08:00

My friend from Southridge e-mailed me this quiz. The results are rather expected, ne? *bittersweet smile*

You scored as Loner.

Loner

44%

Drama nerd

38%

Geek

38%

Ghetto gangsta

25%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

19%

Goth

19%

Stoner

19%

Punk/Rebel

13%

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

~~ Eruanne
current mood: bittersweet
current mood: First of Summer by Urbandub

ME = FY ADDICT NO DA!!!

2006-03-29T09:53:00.000+08:00

Hahaha! I am once again addicted to my fave anime: Fushigi Yuugi! It's been a while, and finally it decided to show itself on Animax, weekdays at 6:00 pm... :)

I've been watching Fushigi Yuugi since I was a little kid, and I have watched all versions: Japanese, English, and *shudder* Tagalog (sorry, but the dubbing just sucked). Basta, sobrang addict ako to the anime, no da. Getz?

And Chichiri (my fave character) is so cute, no da! Although Hotohori, Nuriko, and Tasuki aren't that bad, CHICHIRI FOREVA!!! *drool*

As expected, I also started my fanfic writing in this fandom again. And as expected, it's slash. Can't be helped. And with whom? Sino pa, no da? TASUKI!!!! *goes insane*

Okay, I think you guys are officially disturbed with my addiction and all my "no da"s. I'll go now, no da. :D

~~ Eruanne
current mood: obsessed with FY, no da!!!
current music: Itooshi Hito no Tameni (Opening theme of FY)

Fly-away Thank-You Notes

2006-03-26T16:50:00.000+08:00

Umm... it appears that some of my thank-you notes flew away in the breeze of time... In my hurry to stick all of the damn post-its to my blog, some of them flew away, and stuck to this post. Ah well, at least they still made it to my blog. Iluvatar knows what could happen if they ended up someplace else. >.<

Anyway... here are some thank-you notes that went astray. If any others are found in a place where they shouldn't be, just let me know.

In other words, TAG!

Ay nako, 'eto na nga...

~oOo~

Gian... sorry talaga if this note is a bit late... pramiz, I didn't mean it that way!! Anyway... thanks so much for everything you've done for me... You're a great person with good feelings, no matter what anyone else says... Sorry talaga if I ever caused you pain... Basta, thanks a lot... RENT FOREVA!! ^^

Kelsy... I'm glad I was able to become closer to you before the year was over... Thanks so much for all your advice and support... I'm sorry if I was judgmental of you before... You really opened my eyes... Thanks...

Ma'am Dinah... how could I have forgotten? Thanks for having faith in me... Sorry if I was a sucky math student... I was never good in math, but you helped give me the confidence to face the freakin' algebra problems and get through them too! Thanks so much... You are the best math teacher eva!

~oOo~

So far, those are the little thank-you notes that I found.... There may be more out there... I'll never know until I come across them...

Because those little thank-you notes, like friends, show up when you least expect them.

~~ Eruanne

current mood: thoughtful, happy

current music: Akin Ka Na Lang by Itchyworms (Once again, don't ask. I have weird taste in music nowadays... ^^)

The Aftermath

2006-03-25T23:50:00.001+08:00

The school year is over. My freshman year in Pisay is no more. The moment I handed over my now battered, scratched blue school ID, I knew that I could no longer call myself a freshman. I am now a suffermore. Ay este, sophomore pala.

I changed so much over the year. I found some quizzes in Kuya Jowi's blog that can show just how far - or not - I've gone as a PSHS - MC Topaz 09 student.

~oOo~

bold things which you are
italicize things you wish you are
and don't do anything to the rest

* I miss somebody right now.
* I don't watch much TV these days.
* I own lots of books.
* I wear glasses or contact lenses.
* I love to play video games.
* I've tried marijuana.
* I've watched porn movies.
* I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
* I believe honesty is usually always the best policy.
* I curse sometimes.
* I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
* I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
* I have broken someone's bones.
* I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
* I hate the rain.
* I'm paranoid at times.
* I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
* I need / want money right now.
* I love sushi.
* I talk really, really fast.
* I have fresh breath in the morning.
* I have long hair.
* I have lost money in Las Vegas.
* I have at least one sibling.
* I was born in a country outside of the U.S
* I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
* I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
* I like the way that I look.
* I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
* I am usually pessimistic.
* I have a lot of mood swings.
* I think prostitution should be legalized.
* I slept with a roommate.
* I have a hidden talent.
* I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
* I have a lot of friends.
* I have pecked someone of the same sex.
* I enjoy talking on the phone.
* I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
* I love to shop and/or window shop.
* I'm obsessed with my Blogspot or Livejournal.
* I don't hate anyone.
* I'm a pretty good dancer.
* I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
* I have a cell phone.
* I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
* I've rejected someone before.
* I currently like / love someone.
* I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
* I want to have children in the future.
* I have changed a diaper before.
* I've called the cops on a friend before.
* I'm not allergic to anything.
* I have a lot to learn.
* I am shy around the opposite sex.
* I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
* I have at least 5 away messages saved.
* I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
* I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
* I own the "South Park" movie.
* I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal Blogger.
* I enjoy some country music.
* I would die for my best friend.
* I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
* I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
* Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
* I have dated a close friend's ex.
* I am happy at this moment.
* I'm obsessed with girls.
* Democrat.
* Conservative Republican.
* I am punk rockish.
* I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
* I study for tests most of the time.
* I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
* I can work on a car.
* I love my job.
* I am comfortable with who I am right now.
* I have more than just my ears pierced.
* I walk barefoot wherever I can.
* I have jumped off a bridge.
* I love sea turtles.
* I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
* I plan on achieving a major goal / dream.
* I am proficient on a musical instrument.
* I hate office jobs.
* I went to college out of state.
* I am adopted.
* I am a pyro.
* I have thrown up from crying too much.
* I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
* I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.
* I adore bright colors.
* I usually like covers better than originals.
* I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
* I can pick up things with my toes.
* I can't whistle.
* I have ridden /owned a horse.
* I still have every journal I've ever written in.
* I talk in my sleep.
* I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
* I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
* I wear a toe ring.
* I have a tattoo.
* I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
* I am a caffeine junkie.
* I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
* If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
* I cosplayed or know what cosplaying is.
* I have been to over 15 conventions.
* I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
* I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
* I'm an artist.
* I am ambidextrous.
* I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
* If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
* I have terrible teeth.
* I hate my toes.
* I did this Meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.
* I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
* I have lived in either three different states or countries.
* I am extremely flexible.
* I love hugs more than kisses.
* I want to own my own business.
* I smoke.
* I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
* Nobody has ever said I'm normal.
* Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.
* I am proficient in the use of many types firearms and combat weapons.
* I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.
* I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.
* I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
* I have played strip poker with someone else before.
* I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.
* I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
* I can't stand being alone.
* I have at least one obsession at any given time.
* I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
* I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
* I'm a judgmental asshole.
* I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
* I have traveled on more than one continent.
* I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.
* I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
* I am a Libertarian.
* I can speak more than one language.
* I would rather read than watch TV.
* I like reading fact more than fiction.
* I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
* I have no piercings.
* I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.
* I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
* I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.
* I've been married and am now divorced.
* There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.
* I like most animals better than most people.
* I own a collection of retro games consoles.
* The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.
* I have hit someone with a dead fish.
* I have written/read erotic stories.
* I am compulsively honest.
* I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.
* I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers. And not been ashamed.
* I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.
* I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.
* I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
* I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.
* I dislike milk.
* I obsessively wash my hands.
* I always carry that something significant around with me.
* Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.
* I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
* Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.
* I hand typed all the HTML tags in this document.
* I've liked something / someone which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
* I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.
* Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.
* I am a virgin.
* I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
* I do not 'get' most comedy acts.
* I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.
* I don't like to chew gum.
* I am intrigued with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.
* I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.
* Had the teen angst thing going for at least 2-3 years.
* Wishes people would be more empathic and honest with each other.
* I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.
* I love to sing.
* I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.
* I have a custom-built computer.
* I want to have a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
* I occasionally cling to someone's boobs.
* I have fallen out of a tree.
* I am possessive of my friends.
* I made a gay couple in the SIMS, and they sleep together too.
* I am going through a potentially life-changing dilemma as of this writing.
* Nerd.
* People complain of the smallness of my handwriting.
* I know all the lyrics of 80% of all NSYNC's songs.
* I get to flunk almost 85% of my grades for one quarter.
* I can successfully twirl a pen.
* I wouldn't really mind if I learn later on that my wife is bi/gay

~oOo~

Put an X for everything you've done this year.

[x] broken a promise (who can't at least once?)
[x] made a new friend (ang dami! yay!)
[x] fell in love (I can honestly say that I did.)
[x] fell out of love (*sob*)
[x] done something you swore never to do (oh god, yeah... and it didn't do me much good)
[x] lied (who didn't? "Oh, sorry, Ma'am, I didn't do the homework, kasi tinamad po ako!" Who says that nowadays?? WHO??)
[x] stole (eep.)
[x] went behind your parents' back (I felt WAY bad about this)
[x] cried over a broken heart (yeah, many times... *sniff*)
[x] disappointed someone close (I'm really sorry... you know who you are... alam mo na sorry ako, 'di ba?)
[x] hidden a secret (duh.)
[x] pretended to be happy (*sigh* for his sake as well as hers... and for my friends as well... well, that's life, right?)
[ ] got arrested (unless you count the school fair jail booth?)
[ ] kissed in the rain (fat chance)
[x] slept under the stars (STARGAZING! ... and next to him / them too, who would've thought?)
[x] gotten in a fight (a lot.)
[x] kept your new year's resolution (yeah! I'm not so impatient now as I was last year!)
[ ] forgot your new years resolution (haler?? see above!)
[x] met someone who changed your life (ang dami!)
[x] met one of your idols (you betcha. this was cool, and way unexpected, too.)
[x] changed your outlook on life (I now know the value of HEATED BATHING WATER. and HOMECOOKED FOOD. and INTERNET ACCESS. and FULL 10 HOURS OF SLEEP. and... *voice goes on and on*)
[ ] sat home all day doing nothing (this could never happen. I always had work / chuva to do)
[x] pretended to be sick (to illicit some sympathy from one of my earlier crushes)
[ ] left the country (I wish.)
[ ] almost died (unless you count the time I nearly slit my wrists in English class?)
[ ] drank myself retarded (drank, but not to the point of retarded)
[x] lost someone close to you (*sniffle*)
[x] been to the hospital (oh god yeah... it's practically my second home now)
[x] gotten closer to someone (ang dami rin! yay!)
[ ] streaked (what does this mean, anyway?)
[x] cried over someone (oh yes. very much.)
[ ]broken up with a gf or bf (unless you count MU?)
[x] given up something important to you (HOT WATER. but whatever, I gave up many other more important stuff)
[x] talked on the phone all night (YM's counted, right?)
[x] learned something new about yourself (yeah! so much!)
[x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it (hehehe, videotaping "stuff" was amusing... too bad for PDA-ing, Music-room-corridor-frequenting fourth years...)
[x] made a change in your life (YESH.)
[x] made a total fool of myself (EVERY FRICKIN' DAY.)
[x] met great people (hear hear!)

~oOo~

Well, that's it. One high school year over. Three more to go. God help me that it will be more fruitful, better, more meaningful, and all that than this last one... but still just as memorable.

~~ Eruanne

current mood: wistful, already missing freshie life

current music: Over by Lindsay Lohan (don't ask.)

Little (Or maybe not-so-little) Thank-You Notes

2006-03-19T16:31:00.000+08:00

Okay, this entry is going to be loooooong. Given that summer is near and I won't be seeing my classmates and friends for two months, I felt that it would be good to write up little thank-you notes for them. E, tamad ako magsulat e... Sa blog na lang! Yay! Sorry if I didn't manage to put everyone in... Tamad ako mag-type e... Hehehehe... >.<

TOPAZ 09
... Hey, I know that I haven't been very close with you all, but I just want to let you know that I really had a great time with you. I think that I have the best class in this batch, cuz it was you who taught me how to get through my freshman year. It wasn't perfect, and that's just how it was meant to be. Thanks so much for the memories, Topaz 09!! We rock! We've got S-P-I-R-I-T! And we love PINK! *does that gay "I love pink" motion that we all did at the start of the school year*

BERKS
Ricky... saan ako magsisimula? Astig ka talaga!! Basta, thanks so much for everything... you totally hung in there for me throughout all the tough times... And you were just so patient with me... Sorry for everything... Basta, best friend kita talaga! You're the best!!! Luv ya uber dami so much yay! *huuuuuugz*

Khail... ikaw rin... you are so the best... You are one of the greatest friends I could ever have! Kahit paminsan pasaway ka... Hehe, that's the cool thing about you... "Bitch" ka in a good way... Hehehehe... you taught me a lot and always helped me out... Thanks so much... Luv ya...

Prissy... closest girlfrendz ko... What would I do without you? Kahit hindi tayo masyadong close during some parts of the school year, luv pa rin kita! Sino ang makakasamang ko na kasingsabog? ^^ Luv ya so much dear...

DORMERS
Athy, Gee, Ekay, Mara... sorry kung bwsit na roommate ako... I still like you guys a lot... Athy, maraming salamat para sa tulong (astig laptop mo) and all the anime songs... Gee, thanks for the guidance and tulong sa Himig... Ekay, thanks for the chuva-ness (yay camera!) and lending me stuff... Mara, sorry talaga about the Intrams thing, and thanks for all the help and all that chuva... Luv ko kayong lahat...

ATENEANS
Quintin... ang aking asawa... yay... astig ka... Thanks for giving me great advice, keeping my secrets, and force-feeding me to hell... Boing boing boing... Sorry kung bitchy ako paminsan minsan... TY for everything...

Jiggy... ang aking "sister"... thanks for all the fun times and the advice... yay... astig ka sa gitara, kahit sinira mo ung sa 'kin (joke lang!)... Sorry for all the stupidities na ginawa ko...

SAPPHIRE 09
... Guys, you are ze best prendchipz a Topaz girl like me could have! Thanks so much for standing by me in my time of need and helping me get through my problems... Sorry if I'm such a bitch... Love you all!

G.O.T.H.S.
Kate... ang aking asawa... Luv kita talaga! Sorry kung ang bwsit ko paminsan minsan... Sana hindi ka na magpapakamatay... Dapat ako ung mauuna doon, di ba? Un ung agreement natin... Basta, ashteeg ka... Roomhoppy... Yay, Calvinism co-founder... Person with the cutest hair... Favorite ni Sir Joey (di ba naman? Huwag mo nang i-deny)... Prendchipz foreva! *strait-jacket-type hug*

Yana... mommy nyamooooo... myuuuu... Hehehe, luv rin kita! Astig ka... ang cute ng mga drawings mo... Sana maging masaya ka pa rin... Uy, popular ka naman e, I'm sure more cute and possessive guys will go after you (ahem ahem)... Sorry if I ever hurt you... PLEASE STOP MURDERING INNOCENT CATS (A.K.A. MY KIN) AND TURNING THEM INTO BAGS/HATS/HAIRTIES... I'll protect you from evil stalkers... You rock! Ayan, I complimented you like hell na, now GIVE ME OPIUM COOOOOOOOOOKIEEEEEEEEEEE.... *drool*

Belsha... so fun to hug youuuuu... *hugz* thanks for all the great times with ya... thanks for being the referee in my and Kate's squabbles over yana... ashteeg ka talaga... ^^

PattiCor... YOU ARE AMAZING... thank you so so so so so much for standing by me and being a really great friend... what would i do without you? Sorry for all my bitchy-ness... Ang sweet mo talaga, pramiz... Kaya nga love ka ni kambing e... lol... Huwag mo na i-deny... hehehehe... Good luck with your loooong list of crushies... Luv ya... ^^

OTHER SAPPH PEOPLE (ewan, magkabarkada ba sila?)
Zal... Ang bait mo talaga... great support and help with 2, 3, and of course, 4!! *makes respective finger gestures* Basta, great friend ka... Sorry kung masama ako parang ung sinasabi mo... Hehe basta, TY! Oh, at mas cute ka kung walang glasses. ^^

Inna... thank you so so so so so much for standing by me for most of the year... Sorry kung bitch ako... Pramiz, I never abandoned you or any of that stupid chepar... Luv pa rin kita... Hehehe... Miss na kita, 'di na tayo masyadong nakakachika dahil hindi na ako maka-roomhop... Basta, thanks for everything...

CLOVER FIFOL (malay ko ba, un ba ung pangalan nila? Sabi ni Yana e...)
Mike... yay, only Sapphire biological male that I know who can read, write, and speak Elvish... astig rin ang mga pics mo ng mga sunsets and clouds, as well as your poetry... Thanks for all the Oprah-style advice and the constant prendchipz... Sorry if I'm an evil green-minded asshole as you've called me many times... Basta, thanks for being a great prend!

Neon... wahahaha, bouncy hair... lol... ok lang 'yan, you'll always be Pangit for me (joke!) Thanks for all the help and advice you gave me... They actually WORK! Joke, basta thanks!

Jut... same to you also... kahit tinawag mo akong slut sa first conversation natin... thanks for everything that you did for me, atsaka sorry na sobrang kulit ako... hehehehe... *poke poke*

Vince... saan naman ako magsisimula? Basta, best guy friend kita sa sapph... You're best, really... Thanks so much for all the memories... Kahit lagi mo akong iniinis, kinukulit, at sinasaktan, okay lang un... Ikaw naman talaga un e... Sana laging friends tayo at hindi magiiba ang friendship natin... Sorry if I was just the worst ever... Pramiz, I never meant to hurt you or anything like that... Sana maging masaya ka na, kahit... ewan, alam mo na. Love you...

OTHER PEOPLE
Kuya Jowi... thanks so much for everything... Ang saya talaga ng camera mo... Sa 'kin na un when you become all rich and famous, 'kay? Sorry if I'm so weird and evil sometimes.. basta, thanks for everything! good luck sa UP! UP colle ka, okay? ^^

Ate Desa... mother-fucker-in-law... thank you for the advice and the help that you gave me... you are so nice and amazing... ashteeg ka, basically... miss na kita, good luck sa college!

Ate Paula... thanks for all the chuva... sorry kung bitch ako... sana maintindihan mo na hindi kita iniwanan o ginamit... hindi lang tayo nagkikita masyado ngayon kasi hindi na ako dormer... sana hindi ka na magalit sa akin... chuva... basta, ty. good luck sa love life!

Sir Joey... what would I do without ya? Wahaha, fave teacher ko... Ashteeg ka, pramiz... Thanks for all the help, guidance, support, and anime info... Hehehehe... I really really appreciate everything you've done... Sorry if I'm uber annoying and I can't write... ^^

Okay, I know I didn't manage to put everyone, but if you feel that I forgot to put you, eto na lang ung message ko:
Heya, sorry if I ever did anything annoying or to offend you... I promise hindi ko sinadya 'yun... Thanks so much for the memories!

~~ Eruanne
current mood: thankful, wistful
current music: You by the Carpenters (grabe, I've been so senti in these past few posts)

EK Trip Topaz-ness

2006-03-18T20:09:00.000+08:00

Yay, we went to Enchanted Kingdom yesterday! It was really a lot of fun! It's this end-of-the-year batch activity held by the PTA as a sort of treat... hehehe whatever. Good thing pa rin siya nonetheless.

Two sections per bus: Diamond & Topaz, Emerald & Jade, Garnet & Opal, Ruby & Sapphire. Damn. I hoped that Topaz & Sapphire would end up in the same bus, for obvious reasons. Oh, well. Can't have everything in life naman e.

But whatever, it was so much fun in the bus! We all went wacko despite having no breakfast for the first part of the journey... Khail and Jayson did karate stunts while standing on the armrests of the chairs... Quintin, Benetta, Isay, and I ate this delicious cherry cake in front of the other people to make them jealous... Everyone was noisy and chaotic and... well, blastedly Topaz.

Strangely, I spent majority (in fact, all) of my time in EK with Topaz. It was really nice because I wasn't very close to them for quite some time. It was a really wonderful thing for me to be able to spend time with them.

We did so much together! While waiting in line, we occasionally talked about HoD ("by Jove!") and radicals ("Uy, square root ung height minimum nito, a!")... We rode nearly all the rides... We made Chesca swore like hell on the Space Shuttle because it was her first time... We went wet and wild in the Rio Grande Rapids and the Jungle Log Jam... We bashed Luigi to oblivion in the Dodgem bump cars... We swung out of control in the Flying Fiesta... and we were just... well, insanely Topaz.

But that didn't mean I didn't spend time with the other sections. Hell no! I hung out with Gian, the Ruby girl dormers, and of course, Sapphire. I was able to go to the 4D Discovery Theater and the Flying Fiesta with the G.O.T.H.S.... yay, so fun. Lol. Kate and I had a "squabble" over who gets Yana, and Belsha was referee (as usual).

I played all sorts of chuva at the Midway Arcade. I went nuts in Time Crisis II (until Stage 2 lang ako, dammit), then I went on a sort of air hockey rampage. This was where I also got to spend time with the Clover people. I beat Paeng, Mike, (!himala!) and Jayvee. I was almost on a winning streak, then damn, Vince suddenly beat me (by one point lang naman e!!!). Aggressive player kasi e. Rawrg, no more winning streak. Hmph.

Hehehe, I don't really mind. I'm challenging him to Air Hockey over the summer. I'm gonna win next time! Basta, I was way competitive sa arcade. I was on fire, nutso, and well... freakishly Topaz.

I had to be picked up from EK, because it's nearer to our home than Pisay. I didn't really mind, because I had my camera, which was now stuffed with pictures, to look through. It's way unique, it's way... Topaz.

As I look through the pics, I can't help but be glad because they're proof that while I am very close with the other sections, and despite the problems that I have gone through, I still am blastedly, insanely, freakisly, uniquely... Topaz.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: happy
current music: If We Hold On Together by Diana Ross (senti ulit ako ngayon)

Chuva Written at the Back of My English I 4th Periodical

2006-03-15T20:20:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I like to doodle at the back of my periodical test papers. Maybe it's because I'm so relieved that my terrible ordeal a.k.a. perio is over, that I get so inspired. I have sketched logos for the subject paper that I'm doodling on, poems about the view from the classroom window, mini-essays about love and life, and whatever else strikes my mind at the time.

Here's a kind of monologue I wrote at the back of... aww, come on, just read the title. It's a sort of thank you chuva for my English teacher, who is not only a really good teacher, but a great friend as well. I meant it for all my other teachers too, I guess. Ewan. Galing rin 'to sa mga ibang taga-Topaz, or even those of other sections. Come on guys, I'm sure that you all have your fave teachers. Just change ung subject matter chuva for them, 'di ba?

I guess I was feeling wistful at the time, because, well duh, it's the last week of school! I won't miss the schoolwork, but I will miss my friends. Whatever. Chuva nga e! 'Eto na nga, para tumahimik na ako.

~oOo~

Why is it that time seems to have flown so fast? It seems only yesterday when we were starting our journey together as teacher and student. That was about 10 or so months ago, if I remember correctly. So much time has passed from that time to now. So many memories have filled my mind.

I learned so much from you. Not just of the subject matter that you taught so brilliantly, but even more than I ever expected. It was not enough for you to teach me literature and grammar; nay, you taught me about the way the world works, how life is and how it really should be. You shared a bit of your world with me and guided me through my own.

It is only now, at the very end, that I realize just how much I have learned from you and experienced with you. It was not just lessons of literature that you taught me; lessons of life they were as well.

And, I also realize only now that I never did thank you enough for all that you have done. And really, you did a lot. You were patient with me and all my childish eccentricities, tolerated my strange mood swings, gave me guiidance when I was lost and confused, and, quite simply, you were there for me.

You did not ask for anything in return, save that I learn from you and give you the respect that was due. You need not have asked; you already won my respect from the very beginning.

It is only now, at the very end, that I realize that you are not just my teacher. You are my friend.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: senti
current music: Best I Ever Had by Vertical Horizon

I Am Not A Writer

2006-03-11T21:06:00.000+08:00

Just some crappy poem I wrote... It totally sucks, as the poem will tell you, if you have the courage to continue reading my rubbish called writing. >.<

I AM NOT A WRITER
I am not a writer
I cannot write at all
As soon as I begin to write
I hit a mental wall

My essays never turn out good
They always sound so strange
The topics that I write about
Have no creative range

My stories are appalling
They have no decent plots
All ideas that I want to use
Have already been used up

My spelling is quite terrible
My vocabulary is so low
My grammar is very stupid
And my writing style, oh no

My poems just cannot rhyme
They don't have any wit
The words and rhythm that I use
Just don't seem to fit

My writing is all rubbish
They coat the trash can wall
For I am not a writer
I cannot write at all.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: frustrated at not being able to write properly >:E
current music: 214 by Rivermaya (Again.)

Of Cockroaches and Purposes

2006-03-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

I wrote this as a journal entry for English. So weird... >.<

This journal entry is quite freaky, I have to admit. Not only will I have to figure out my purpose in life (which I have been pondering over for most of my years), I have to actually compare and contrast myself with something that I have always found totally repulsive: the cockroach.

But hey, first time for everything, right? But still... *shudders*

But really, it isn't the cockroach's fault that I and many others find it as visually disgusting. Their lifestyles were made for dark and filth. Like I said, they didn't really have a choice. They were made as part of a big ecological plan (read: food chain), but they don't really have a purpose and ambition, unless you count reproducing themselves in the millions. They were made to rely and live, simply on basic instinct, no complex complications. Just what it was made for: to chew, crap, calm, and crawl. Must be nice, really, to have such a simple life.

If you don't count the toxic spraying and the stick-smacking and the foot stomping and the "Oh carp, s***, it's a f***ing cockroach!"

In exchange for an instinctive life with a dose of peril, a splash of dark and filth, and lots of reproduction involved, cockroaches don't have a life of purpose and soul. Which makes you think just why we do, and they don't.

I think I, a human, have a purpose in life (and therefore, a more complex living style to boot), rather than the cockroach's life of instinct, because I have a soul. I have intellect, will, and the ability to feel and manifest emotions. I mean, I don't really think that the cockroach would care if someone offered it a million dollars, other than seeing that lovely lovely money as a bunch of fun crisp material to chew on and use as a toilet.

Surely, if I put myself in the shoes - er, feet - of the cockroach, and thought like it did... If a cockrophobe (is that the correct term?) saw me crawling on his/her just cleaned floor, he/she would freak out and yell, "It's a frickin' cockroach! Eeeew! Get it off my floor! Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff my clean floor!" I prolly wouldn't even care that someone called me such a disrespectful word like that. I would probably just shrug my exoskeleton-covered shoulders and think, "OK, angry dude on the loose. Let's ditch. Where's the next hotel?"

But... I don't think cockroaches would even think THAT.

If I ever had an interview with a cockroach, maybe it would go like this:
Me: Hello, Mr. Cockroach. Tell me, what's it like to be a cockroach?Mr. Cockroach: Oh, it's a fine life. I can get all the chow I want, I can sleep anywhere, I always look so cute in my shiny chocolate brown coat, I don't have any marital or parental problems to worry about, and I can even survive those big booming thingies that you humans make. Of course, it's not all rainbows and flowers for us cockroaches. I always get picked on by bigger living things that want to eat me, and it's just SO hard to stitch a proper family tree. Really, it is.
Me: Oh, I see. Are you glad to be a cockroach?
Mr. Cockroach: Sure. I wouldn't have it any other way.

But, since cockroaches don't feel stuff like this, an interview with a cockroach would probably go something like this:
Me: Hello, Mr. Cockroach. Tell me, what's it like to be a cockroach?Mr. Cockroach: ...
Me: Umm, Mr. Cockroach?
Mr. Cockroach: *runs away from the interview room to go and make several thousand more offspring*
Me: Uh... okay.

I guess, that even though I have to feel sadness and annoyance and worry about things like passing Math and getting rejected by crushes (how well I know these), the fact that I can think and reason out seems to be a pretty good change. I guess it's not that bad an exchange, instinct for purpose:
God: Okay, Mr. Cockroach, you get a fine life. You can get all the chow you want, you will always look so cute in your shiny chocolate brown coat, you can sleep anywhere, you don't have any marital or parental problems to worry about, and you can even survive those big booming thingies that humans make. Of course, it's not all rainbows and flowers for you. You will always get picked on by bigger living things that want to eat you, and it will be just SO hard for you to stitch a proper family tree. Really, it will be. But, you have no idea about intellect and will and deep emotions and purpose and all that chorva. But YOU, my dear Homo Sapiens kiddies, don't get this kind of life, but you get a soul and all that chorva. Cool?
Mr. Cockroach: ... okay. *reverts to soulless mode*
Me: ... okay. *reverts to soulful mode*
God: I'm so good!

But hey... sure, I have a purpose and the cockroach doesn't, but there's no point in having a purpose if I don't know what it is and don't follow it, right?

I have been debating on what my purpose is, for nearly all my life. My sisters insist that my purpose in life is to be annoying to them and toss them the pillows when we fall asleep in the car, but nah, I don't think so.

I believe, and have done so for quite some time now, that my purpose in life is to make a difference on this earth.

When I say this, I don't mean make a big, history-changing difference. If I can simply touch a living thing's life (it doesn't even have to be a human; it could be E.T. for all I care) and make a good difference, it should be enough. It really doesn't have to be big at all. I'm talking about the little things.

Things like this include a cheer-up conversation with a classmate who's feeling down, rescuing a little kit from an innocent kid's death grip, a pat on the shoulder for a lonely friend, a laugh for some person's extremely corny joke, or even something as simple as a smile.

If you're asking for a concrete example, well... there was a time a friend of mine texted me at around midnight. He was feeling really down (and I mean REALLY, he was almost suicidal), and even though I was ill and wanted nothing more than sleep, I stayed up for a few minutes to reply and daub sisterly balm on his sorrows. Depriving myself of sleep and taking the effort to think up a gentle and COHERENT reply: that's a lot, and definitely a difference in my friend's life at the moment.

I believe that this is my purpose in life because, well, it's something that I've been doing, even involuntarily. And if it's something that pulses in my blood, goes through my motions, and has been going on for quite a long time... heck, it's got to be something important.

And my purpose is definitely important.

I can't be sure if this is really my purpose, but I think, at the moment, it is. What I feel is important is that I am living up to it, and find it something that merits thought and action. My purpose is more important to me than any carefree cockroach-like life that anyone can offer me.

Because, really, would I, or ANYONE, for that matter, want to go through all the toxic spraying and the stick-smacking and the foot stomping and the "Oh carp, s***, it's a f***ing cockroach!" ?

~~ Eruanne
current mood: amused
current music: Brown Eyes by Destiny's Child

What do you think?

2006-02-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

I found this on Yana's bloggy, and I thought it would be cool to post here and see what people think...

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I:
:» I committed suicide
:» I lived next door to you
:» I started smoking
:» I stole something
:» I was hospitalized
:» I ran away from home
:» I got into a fight and you weren't there

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
:» Personality
:» Art
:» Comments
:» Character Designs

WHAT ABOUT US:
:» Who are you?
:» Are we friends?
:» When and how did we meet?
:» How have I affected you?
:» What do you think of me?
:» What's the fondest memory you have of me?
:» How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
:» Have I ever hurt you?
:» Would you hug me?
:» Are we close?
:» Emotionally, what stands out?
:» Do you wish I was cooler?
:» On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
:» Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
:» Am I loveable?
:» How long have you known me?
:» Describe me in one word.
:» What was your first impression?
:» Do you still think that way about me now?
:» What do you think my weakness is?
:» Do you think I'll get married?
:» What about me makes you happy?
:» What about me makes you sad?
:» What reminds you of me?
:» What's something you would change about me?
:» How well do you know me?
:» Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
:» Do you think I would kill someone?
:» Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

Yay. I hope you answer...

~~ Eruanne
current mood: thoughtful, hopeful
current music: Sandalan by 6 Cycle Mind

Poem: SECRET

2006-02-22T21:51:00.000+08:00

Here's a poem I wrote during... uh, English class, and (cuz I didn't finish it) Social Science class (kasi boring ung lesson, wala akong magawa)... so there, some crappy poem that I came up with. Basta. I'm thinking of submitting it to Pisay's Dalumat so I can fill in the carp quota... ^^

SECRET

She stands in the shadows
Deep eyes shying away from the light

No shaft of moonlight shall stroke her shadowed face
No ray of sunbeam shall kiss her midnight hair
No twinkle of starshine shall shimmer her lips fair

Her rainment is of inky black
The perfect color of the night
Reflecting nothing but the absence of light

She stands in the shadows
Deep eyes shying away from the light

Her eyes are filled with wisdom
Yet are laced with silent fears
Oh, shadowed lady, why in your eyes are there tears?

The light begins to creep towards her form
Its brilliance fighting the darkness of her hiding-place
No! She cannot be seen! She swiftly hides her face

She stands in the shadows
Deep eyes shying away from the light

But alas! The light begins to prevail
And word and action from others flow
These eat away at her shadows, sure and painfully slow

And suddenly, the force is too much
She is thrust into the brightness of light
She winces and recoils painfully at the sight

She stands in the shadows
Deep eyes shying away from the light

Though strong she was in times before
Too much for her is light's harsh glare
She is forced to reveal what hides behind her lips so fair

The hidden knowledge is unveiled at last
Known to all the world and more
Telling more people than it was really meant for

She stands in the shadows
Deep eyes shying away from the light

Poor shadowed lady, she is shamed!
In her eyes, the tears are finally spilled
Of death and despair, her soul is filled

Frantically she searches for the shadows
She finds it and hides once more in its welcoming cool
And from there she watches, with her eyes like deep pools

She stands in the shadows
Deep eyes shying away from the light

And there she will stand again
Seeking the dark and staying within
For to reveal her knowledge will indeed be her sin

Until the light, the forces return again
Shadows must surround her silent frame
She cannot show herself, for Secret is her name.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: secretive (nainfluence ako ng poem ko, and anyway, i think i revealed too much in my past entry ^^)
current music: Miss You More by BBMak

Confessions

2006-02-18T19:24:00.000+08:00

Himala, nag-update ako! Sorry if I didn't update in ages... LOL... anyway...

I'm going to come clean with many things today, which is why this entry is known as Confessions. I'll reveal some stuff and let free some answers that have been waiting in the wings... so, here we go. Act I of Confessions. Admissions, step out from backstage, and into the spotlight of the stage.

On Academics
While my GPA for the 3rd Quarter is still in passing and quite fair (1.778, durnit), I flunked a very important 2-unit subject, Math 1, as you probably know if you read my past entries. I'm now working very hard to pull up my grades, and am putting a LOT of effort into yanking my Math grade back up onto the passing mark. I need at least a 2.25 to pass, so I am slaving away with radicals, exponents, rational algebraic expressions, and all that chorva. I don't really like it, but I don't have any choice. God help me that I survive this.

On Family
My older sister and I are as close as ever, given that she and I are going through many similar problems. I have her to turn to for advice, and she has me to help her relax, and we have each other to confide to.
My little sister and I are the same as always. We tease and bully each other like hell, and we love the other for it. Neat, ne?
My parents and I are okay. I still am annoyed with them sometimes, for many things: for being very overprotective, for not allowing me to go to gimmicks with my friends, and stuff like that. But I love them for so many things, too many to list.

On Friends
Topaz and I are sort of reconciling. I am talking and spending a bit more time with the other barkadas and other members of the class.
Ricky and I are as close as ever, and I totally love him for being my best friend and sticking with me through thick and thin. He was the only one who never left me the whole way through. Thanks so much Ricky!!!
Khail and Prissy and I are okay, too. I am so grateful that they too remained my friends throughout everything. Their humor and optimism have been my lifeline these past months.
I have also become closer with Sapphire. The G.O.T.H.S. and I are on wonderful terms, and they have adopted me as a Topphire G.O.T.H., as one of their own. It's so nice of them.
Mike's barkada has sort of adopted me too, as a Sopaz person...
("Wasdisabaw?") Their fun and advice also helped me out.
The other sections and I are also great. Tintin (Ruby) and Gian (Opal) are two of my closest friends, and I can always count on them for humor, chikka, and advice.
The other batches and I are also good. Kuya Jowi and Ate Desa are also two of my closest closest friends. Kuya Jowi is so much fun to hang out with, and he's also an excellent confidant. Ate Desa is my mother-fucker-in law... don't ask.
Just to summarize, I have good friends. I may not have many, but they're great, and I love them so much for it. Thanks so much guys! I love ya!

On Love
Alright, fine, I'll admit it. Yes, I have an MU. Shocked, aren't you?
My small crushes are fluctuating (e.g. Mike, Kuya Jowi, Ricky), but none of them beat my MU. I totally love him... so there.
I have my doubts and girly paranoia now and again, but I try not to listen to them. I have my good faith and trust in him, and in God, so I know that I'll be guided through this.

There, my confessions! God, they were hard to make. But I'm glad I did. Will there be an Act II? There may be more secrets, more answers waiting backstage...

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: thoughtful
Current music: 214 by Rivermaya

more photo wildness...

2006-01-22T14:09:00.000+08:00

heeheehee... more photos... i'm so vain, grabe...

this is a pic of me and one of my closest (in fact, best na nga e) girl friends in sapphire, kate... this was taken after we were running around in the rain during the Pisay 2006 fair... ^^

saya noh? she's one of the best-est friends i've got...

A Turmoil of Emotions

2006-01-08T00:46:00.000+08:00

I just want to let you all know that I am not attacking my classmates or anyone in particular in this entry. I just had to get these thoughts off my chest at the moment.

I feel so confused, so hurt. I just found out that I got a flunking CARD GRADE (a 3.0 to be exact) in a 2-unit subject: Math.

No, that's not what's making me feel this way. It was how my mom reacted to it.

My mother was, naturally, extremely upset and concerned over it. She insisted that I have a tutor, and that I just don't stay in the dorm anymore, so she can look after me (and not just studying, but also in eating and all of that). I was okay with all of that. I mean, sure, I was depressed that I would be leaving the dorm, but it wasn't anything that upsetting. I'm pretty sure that as soon as the problem's fixed, I can go back.

But then she mentioned my "friends". It was what she said that made my blood turn to ice, my heart turn to glass, my tears turn to time.

She told me that I was such a good, kind, generous person. And really, it's true. I'm not bragging here. I was always willing to give up so much of my time and energy to help my friends and classmates in need. And I totally believed that it would pay off.

But apparently not.

My mom made me see all that. I had such a rose-colored, biased look at my friends. I really loved them to death. When they needed my help or my company, I was always ready to help them. But what about me? What about when I needed help?

I'm so sorry to wallow in self-pity here, but I can't help it. I can't help but remember all the time I wasted for my classmates, but I highly doubt I got anything in return.

I willingly helped my classmates and roommates in English and other subjects. But when I needed help in my weakest subject, Math, they simply did nothing more than answer it for me, but did not explain. And I did not understand.

I patiently listen to my friends' glowing descriptions of their crushes or their joys or whatever, even if it hurts. But when I needed a listening ear, I didn't find it in my class. I had to search further in my batch.

I stayed up until 3 am working on a script for my English class, despite my having a fever and viral infections. The next day, I was told not to bother with the editing of the script, given that my classmate's was better from the start anyway. All
of the work I had slaved over on had been for nothing.

One event stands out starkly. The December 2-3 2005 incident. Someone that I trusted (and up to now I still don't know who it is, which hurts even more) was spreading rumors about me, and it reached the others sections, and oh god, my crushes. And the fact that I had to hear about it FROM the person who could hurt me most was really the most that I could take. I broke down into pieces and cried.

I sought the help and comfort of my classmates, but in whose arms did I fall into and released my sorrows? Not my classmates, not my roommates. They were my friends from the other sections, from the other batches. It was Kate, Yana, Belsha, Patti, Vince, Gian, Inna, Ingrid, Dianne, Ate Desa, Kuya Jowi and Ate Paula who comforted me in my pain. Who lent me their touch and strength for my moment of weakness and hurt.

I'm all alone. I know that now. Where is... everyone? What should I do now?

I don't know what to do anymore. My mother tells me that I have to learn to be a bit more selfish, even though it's hard. But that's how life is in Pisay. It's a lot of competition, and there's just some people there who "don't share because they want to be the best". I have to learn to focus on myself more, and not so much on my friends, because, as she said, "when you really need them, they will turn their backs on you. They won't be there for you."

That was what made things so painful. I had always believed that my friends, my classmates especially, would be there for me. They always said so. Now I realized that talk was totally cheap. Their action spoke more than words ever could. Or lack of action, anyway.

I am not angry at my mother for revealing this to me. In fact, I'm thankful that she did, so I would no longer continue living in this lie. I'm not angry at my classmates and friends either, for not really being there for me the way I wished they were. I can't force them to like me or to care for me. However, I AM angry... at myself. For not realizing earlier what I should have learned when I shed those bitter, lonely tears alone in my darkest moments in Woodrose.

I now know that in this nightmarish dream I have called "my life right now", I won't ever be appreciated. No. I go to school, I do my work, I help, I go home. The end. Nothing more. I give, but I don't ever take, because I am such a doormat and I feel that I don't need it anyway.

But it's crunch time. I can feel those 7 wasted months taking their toll on me, my health, my grades. I am suffering from my own doing. I have no choice. I won't leave my "friends" behind and never help them, but I have to start helping myself. I have no choice but to return to my Woodrose ways: Quiet. Studious. Introverted. Conservative. Alone. Friendless.

It reminds me of a quote from J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. It's an Elvish quote spoken by Aragorn's mother Gilraen. You can find it in the Appendices. Here's the English translation:

"I gave hope to Men.
I kept none for myself."

I am clutching at the last vestiges of hope, faith, love, and sanity that I have left, or anywhere that I can find. The ones that I used to have are already given away.

But, perhaps, this may be just another obstacle that God set out for me to improve myself and become a better person. So, with this wishful hope of thought in my mind and heart, I just want to close this off with a prayer I hold close to my sould. It's the Prayer of Saint Francis. Here's an excerpt:

"Oh Divine Master, grant that I may never seek, to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

~~ Eruanne

current mood: miserable, betrayed
current music: Take Me Away by Avril Lavigne

I'm going on photo wildness today!!

2005-12-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

the me... at the PSHS Freshman Orientation 2005, some 7 months ago... I really miss my eyebag-free eyes, braces-free teeth, and most of all... the UNITY that Topaz shared. *sigh*

Christmas Lists

2005-12-19T21:16:00.000+08:00

Whee, I finally have a laptop! And in a manner that is totally evil me, I am using it to type up my blog entries when I should be using it to type my term paper.

Anyway... do you think that God sees to our Christmas lists? Before today, I had a few things on my Christmas list that I wrote up a few weeks ago:

My Christmas List
(as of 19 November 2005, Saturday)
1. A raise in my allowance
2. Stronger bonds with my family
3. Reconnection with Topaz, especially my roommates
4. More friends from other sections and year levels
5. At least ONE slow dance with my crush
6. A laptop or an iPod
7. A place on the Director's List
8. A better attitude

I reckon that God does look at our Christmas lists, because things totally changed:

My Christmas List
(as of 05 December 2005, Monday)
1. Stronger bonds with my family
2. Reconnection with Topaz, especially my roommates
3. More friends from other sections and year levels
4. A place on the Director's List
5. Friendship with my crush
6. A better attitude

Now, why did numbers 1 and 6 disappear, and why did number 5 change?

Well, first of all, I got a raise in my allowance. My allowance, which used to be 250 pesos a week, or 50 pesos a day, is now 275 a week, or 55 pesos a day. A raise of 25 pesos a week, or 5 pesos a day! Yay! I know it doesn't look much, but still, it's a RAISE.

Next, I already got this laptop. Complete with printer! I mean, I'm just borrowing and so I won't bother Athena anymore to use her laptop, and yes, it's quite slow and it seems to have a quite feisty mind of its own sometimes... but hey, I actually got a material something! Isn't that neat?

Now, number 5 is quite complicated. To put it bluntly and somewhat vaguely, I got into an argument with my crush. Astig the timing, noh? Just before Christmas. Perfect. *sighs*
Now, I don't care if I don't get a slow dance, or even any dance, with my crush anymore. I just want to restore our friendship to the way it was. That's all I want.

And now, I really believe that God looks at our Christmas lists on a daily basis, because look at it now:

My Christmas List
(as of 06 December 2005, Tuesday)
1. Stronger bonds with my family
2. Reconnection with Topaz, especially my roommates
3. A place on the Director's List
4. A better attitude
5. At least one slow dance with my crush

I have made more friends now with the other sections, which feels really good. Of course, there's also a problem: Do I have enough money to get Christmas gifts for ALL of them?? But we'll get to that later.

Note that number 5 has changed again. My crush and I talked things out (well, more like TEXTED things out) and he forgave me and vice versa. We're good friends again. For me, that's probably the second-best present he could give me (if you want to know the best that he could get me, refer to number 5 ^^). The fact that we're okay already totally made me happy today.

*~*~*~*~*

Now, enough about what I want. If I receive stuff, I should also give stuff. It's only fair, and anyway, I like giving gifts. Pity that the little money I have does not permit me to do so that often or that much. Oh, well.

Oh my god, I still have so much to get... *calculates*

But there! I spent big time this year... my stipends are now non-existent due to this huge gift-buying thing. Well, it's worth it, I guess. I like that warm fuzzy feeling I get whenever I give gifts. It feels quite nice, like getting a big, tight hug from your best friend.

Maybe God really does pay attention to our Christmas lists. He helps us achieve those little things that make us happy, and in return we make other people happy by fulfilling THEIR Christmas lists. All this gift-giving and merriment I think will make a very happy atmosphere, which is only befitting for the Son of God's entering into the world.

~~ Eruanne

current mood: happy, generous (I'm getting that nice fuzzy feeling now...)
current music: All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey (I guess you all know to whom this is dedicated to... ^^)

I Still Love You and That is Enough

2005-12-13T11:04:00.000+08:00

Yet another senti poem... ano ba ang nangyayari sa kin???

I STILL LOVE YOU AND THAT IS ENOUGH
dedicated to rigel_09817

I lie on my bed
Staring at the ceiling
Waiting for sleep to claim me
Waiting for drowsiness to stay
But it seems that the only things that stays with me
Are memories, remembrances, thoughts of you
And bittersweetness fills my heart
As I remember everything I went through for you
And got nothing in return
Yet I still loved you.

I remember when I debated what to give you as a gift
Something that would let you know that someone loved you
Then when I thought of something
I did all I could to get what I needed for it
I struggled to finish the gift

I stayed up until the morning sun kissed the twilight sky
Working on a little something that I hoped could make you happy
Make you feel like there was someone out there who cared
I poured my love and hopes into that little gift
Not minding the pain, the tiredness, the sorrow
That filled me as I worked
My hands painstakingly built your gift with love
Wrapping it with care and warm caresses

And yet when I handed it to you with a smile on my face
You merely nodded and slipped it away
Where it lay, forgotten
And as it did, everything I hoped for, worked for
Was forgotten as well
The smile on my face was frozen
But deep within me the calm had shattered
Leaving only broken mirrors of silence in my mind

My peers asked me why I bothered to care for you
Why did I give my love, my hope, my care, my time
For someone who cared for me not
Why did I bother to love someone
Someone that everyone said was weird, worthless

I could not answer

Because deep inside
I was not sure of my answer
The only thing I knew
Was that when I was near him
I felt at home
Bittersweetly loved
But loved nonetheless
And for me
That was enough

So now sleep begins to claim me
And dreams start to tug at my mind
And I remember everything I went through for you
And got nothing in return
But bittersweetness no longer fills my heart
For I know that even though I get nothing from you
I still love you
And for me
That was enough.

~~ Eruanne

current mood: sentimental

current music: Same Ground - Kitchie Nadal

Stories

2005-12-13T08:40:00.000+08:00

Here's a poem I wrote after texting one of my dear friends. He and I discussed the subject of this poem, and integrated it with our lives. It made me think a lot, enough to write this poem.

STORIES
dedicated to jvince027

I listen to stories all around me

I smile as I hear comforting fantasies
Stories of butterflies fluttering around flowers
Stories of fairies and unicorns flying
Stories of May sunshine and April showers
Stories of wistful mermaids sighing

I sigh as I hear sweet romances
Stories of lovers living happily ever after
Stories of men wooing women with charm and poise
Stories of honeymooners breathless with laughter
Stories of duels fought with sword and voice

I chuckle as I hear funny quotes
Stories of humorous instances of the day
Stories of little accidents and jokes
Stories of those funny things they say
Stories of such amusing anecdotes

I listen to stories all around me

But do I hear the loneliness of reality?
Stories of death and pollution
Stories of poverty and sickness
Stories of problems and corruption
Stories of despair and sadness

Do I hear the bitterness of love unrequited?
Stories of loves forgotten and lost
Stories of rejection and pain
Stories of failure though paid is the cost
Stories of faithless lies and firm love slain

Do I hear the half-meaning of the jokes I so enjoy?
Stories of the prejudice people face
Stories of the lies one can't help but make
Stories of the sadness of another race
Stories of the challenges one has to take

Isn't it ironic?

We long for the truth but never hear it
We want to know more but refuse to know it all
We only hear and act as we see fit
We have forgotten again and then we fall

Maybe it's because we have a choice
To be deaf to the stories sad and broken
Just to hear what we want to hear
No matter what is spoken.

~ Eruanne

current mood: thoughtful
current music: Where is the Love? - The Black Eyed Peas

And I Can Do Nothing to Change That

2005-12-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

I feel like such a bad person. Why do I feel anger for my friends? Why?

Is it prejudice? Jealousy? Pride?

I tried to convince myself that I knew this would happen anyway. I lost my best friend to my other friend. I wanted to believe that it really was supposed to be that way, that things would be better still. And now, I realized...

Who was I kidding?

Of course I missed him. He's my best friend, for goodness' sake!

Okay, fine, correction. He used to be my best friend.

I could see that he was happy hanging out with her. I know that he trusted her, shared with her, cared about her more than he ever did with me. And I decided that, for both their sakes, I could just let things go, let them be as they wished. And now, they both have something to fall back on.

And I?

I am simply reaping what I have sown.

The bitter fruit is mine alone.

*~*~*~*~*

But why the hell do I feel this way, then?

To the casual onlooker, things were the way it's supposed to be. Two cheerful, happy friends: best friends. One loner looking from afar. It's like those pictures in magazines and on the Internet. Art imitates life and vice versa, right? Well, it decided to imitate itself in my life. Nice, huh?

He was happy. She was happy. Could I really bring myself to take that away from them? I could not. So I just let things go as they pleased. I allowed the winds of fate to fall upon me, taking me away from them and leaving me where I could not do anything anymore.

Where I could only watch.

*~*~*~*~*

One incident that relates to this stands out starkly in my mind's eye. I was seated near the volleyball court, watching the game. Then I heard familiar voices from the oval. I turned and I saw them.

I tried to smile, using the thought that it was such a perfect image, a postcard moment of some sort.

But my mask, which had become so fragile over the past few weeks, could not hold any longer. It shattered, leaving only broken mirrors of bittersweetness in my soul.

For some godforsaken reason or whatever, I felt tears filling my eyes as I watched them. It's kind of like a car wreck: you hate yourself for watching it, but you can't tear your eyes away from it. The tears threatened to spill, but the little pride I had left did not allow it. It did not allow me to turn my eyes away from the scene, either.

I don't honestly know why those tears welled up in my eyes. Perhaps it was the fact that he and I used to do that, and I missed it. Perhaps it was because someone was happy and I was not. Or maybe it was just because I knew I lost my best friend, wanted him back, but was helpless to do so.

But whatever it was, the tears came anyway. I could not hold it back any more. I tore my gaze away, and ran from it all. I could not let them see me like this.

*~*~*~*~*

What made things worse, was that I had to face her afterwards, and pretend that nothing was wrong. Her happy expression, her cheerful voice, her sparkling eyes, and her joyous gestures, as she talked about the time she spent with him... I could not remove it from my mind. It was a mockery of my weakness.

When she looked away from me to answer a text that he sent her, the tears decided to fill my eyes again. I hastily wiped them away, and excused myself, using homework as a reason.

And, I guess, that was the routine of my life from then on, to both of them.

I can't bring myself to shatter the friendship they now shared. All I could do was let the tears let the emotion out when it became too much. And indeed, it had a tendency to make me feel all sorts of horrible things when it did.

I wanted to curse them for making a friendship that I treasured disappear. After all, I didn't want to shatter her friendship with him. Why did she have to shatter mine? It is so unfair. I wanted to curse the two of them for being so happy, for existing to take away one of the few friends I had left. But my doormat-ness did not let me. I could only watch, and wonder what I did wrong.

The tears are now threatening to come and spill again. And I let them. I cry for my best friend, whom I sorely missed. For my other friend whom I could not bear to hurt her feelings. For the mask that I wear, that had fallen once more.

The tears fall, shimmering like silvery snakelike handcuffs, that now wrap themselves, trickling softly, on my hands and around my wrists. Even though I longed to put things back to the way they were, I could not. I was bound by invisible chains of giving, lies, helplessness, and the thing that was supposed to be boundless: friendship and love.

A sheer mockery, indeed.

*~*~*~*~*

AND I CAN DO NOTHING TO CHANGE THAT
This is what I must do
Laugh at every joyous moment
Show a smile to everyone
Say that I'm all right

But every laugh I take
Every smile I make
Every time I say something
Deep inside me
All I want to do is
Let go and cry

So, a laugh and a smile
Just covers what I feel deep inside
Because I have no choice
Because for everyone else
What matters is what they see of me
And not what I really feel

And I can do nothing to change that.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: sad
current music: Life Support by Hale

Apology

2005-11-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

Here's another poem I made for Rhygelle, with yet another twist.

Apology

I know that things have been strange between us
Since that awful fight we had
Visions of it still flash painfully through my mind
My only wish now is to make things right
Maybe it won't be the same as before
Yet as long as you are by my side
Everything else I can take
Unending is my friendship and love for you
I don't care what the others say
Only thing I know is that you are my friend and always will be
Running away won't solve anything, I've learned
Can't you see I miss you so much?
Sorry, forgive me, I love you, please come back
Unions I promise we will rebuild
You will see, because I promise, deep inside
Heart, mind, and soul, we will be one again.

Okay, here's the twist.
Read downward, divide into four lines, then read downwards. It's a Caesar Box.
Here's the answer:

1) ISVMMYEUIDRCSUYH

2) ISVM
MYEU
IDRC
SUYH
3) I miss you very much.

~~ Eruanne
current mood: wistful
current music: Baby Can I Hold You Tonight by Boyzone

From A Distance

2005-11-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

Here's a poem I wrote for Rhygelle, my current crush... he's been so far for 3 months and 3 days. It's a bit weird because he's quite older than me.
I entitled this poem From A Distance, because that is how I care for him (ang senti ko talaga, noh?). There is an interesting twist in this poem. I'll show it in the end.

~~~

From a Distance
written by Eruanne

Feeling like I am being sweetly torn apart
Roses with thorns being pressed to my heart
Only you could make me feel this way so easily
Make me feel the bittersweetness so blissfully

Always.

Day and night I feel we are, I the moon and you the sun
I feel that everything shatters and heals in a moment one
Sights and sounds from the background fades into a shifting blur
Till there's nothing and no one else I can remember
And then appears this peaceful silent longing of such depth
Never ending yet disappearing in the whispered wings of a breath
Ceaselessly calling your name in my mind for you to come to my side
Ebbing and flowing restlessly through my being like a relentless tide.

Feelings run through my blood
Over and over again as though sent by God
Running round and round everyday
Everytime I see you I feel this way
Visions of me and you flutter seductively through my mind
Everything fades away and there's nothing but this bind
Remembering nothing because all I see is you

For you I'd go anywhere
Only you could make my soul go bare
Reason and common sense disappear

My soul loves anything and everything you do
I always find myself longing so deeply for you
Can't you see what you do to me?
How, oh how, can I make you see?
All I can do is love from afar, my feelings held back like a dam
Even though I try to let them go, you won't let me love you, so I am
Loving you the only way I can and know.

From a distance.

~~~

Here's the twist... read the first letter of each line downward, except for the last one. ^^

I'll leave you again with another image... this time a silver pendant. I have a very active and weird imagination, and I feel that I hold my love and soul's essence in this pendant. Forgive my weirdness.

~~ Eruanne

current mood: poetic
current music: Eyes on Me by Faye Wong (gotta love this song)

Blog Makeover

2005-11-05T14:12:00.000+08:00

Hello! As you can see, I have made a few changes in my blog.

For one, the title has been changed. What used to be In the Middle of Middle-Earth is now Clouds of Snowflakes By My Window. Not only because it has sentimental value, but also because it shows how I have changed over my time in Blogger. From my wild LOTR beginnings, I have slowly calmed down into a quiet snowflake. Of course, my love for LOTR continues, it just doesn't explode into people's faces anymore.

Some people have said that I seem cold because of this whole snowflake thing. No. I am still the same bubbly person. I am like a snowflake, changing slowly as more pieces come into my soul and mold me into the person that I am. But I am not cold nor perfect, like the stinging symmetry of the snowflake. This is why clouds, stars and butterflies are involved. (see description)

The template has also changed to go with my new title. It now shows a window and balcony in the upper left corner. There are clouds everywhere. The cursor now has a puffy little blue cloud going with it. I've also started using little glitter images.

See, I've felt that my blog is too plain. I wanted to jazz it up a bit, but not too much. I feel that these changes will make my blog look so much better than it was before. Do leave your comments on this, please!

So, I'll leave you for now with this little butterfly. The butterfly is another one of my symbols. I've always wanted to keep one, but I know that it deserves to be free. So I decided to just immortalize a butterfly in my blog. A butterfly in ice seems befitting.

Love is like a butterfly.
Hold it too tightly and it dies.
Hold it too loosely and it flies.

~~ Eruanne

current mood: satisfied
current music: Underneath the Waves by Hale

Individual

2005-10-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

Hey... check out this poem. It was written by my older sister's batchmate, Neil Cabato. I don't know if this poem was based on his personal experiences, but what I do know is that I can relate to it based on mine.

Look at it carefully. Maybe you'll discover something, too.

INDIVIDUAL - Neil Cabato

Everything's so hollow
I can't survive this plight
Bereft of companions
Lonely in the night

My mind has been screaming
My heart has long been spent
Everything's just a facade
Waiting to break apart

Loneliness has claimed me
I am distinct from the whole
Existing in a world that's mine
Made from pieces of my soul

I am the person in the background
The unimportant one
Propping up the hero
Observing silently from the side

It's too far out to return
The norm is just not me
I am my own man
And forever I shall be.

*******

~~ Eruanne

current mood: sad
current music: Boulevard of Broken Dreams, by Green Day (I just really love this song... I can really relate to it)

CSI Quizilla!!

2005-10-23T17:21:00.000+08:00

I love CSI... CSI Las Vegas, to be exact. I mean, the other series are okay, but the original is my favorite.
So, naturally, I went and ran Quizilla through it, and see what I am in the world of CSI.

Which CSI are you?
You are Gil Grissom.

which CSI are you?
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How addicted to CSI are you?
You are a certified CSI freak! Congratulations!
(psst..steve grab the straight jacket. We got
another one!)

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brought to you by quizillahttp://quizilla.com">Quizilla<>>Who%20are%20you? (CSI Quiz)
You are... Grissom

Who Are You? (CSI Quiz - My Version)
brought to you by

English is So Hard to Read!

2005-10-02T11:08:00.000+08:00

I HAVE UPDATED!! AT LAST! How long has it been... 2 months??
I want to show you guys this article that I found online... it looks like we take English for granted, huh?

No WONDER the English is so Hard to Learn!

Four all who reed and right!!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in then plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.If Dad is Pop, how come Mum isn't Mop?

Author Unknown or is it Knotknown?

Isn't that cute? Think about it the next time you speak English...

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: amused
Current music: Noypi by Bamboo (I suddenly cherish our own national language... ^^)

My Failure in Friendship

2005-07-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

I'm back at Pisay... sorry, I'm not posting Survivor: Chicken Pox anymore, since, well, I fell behind with it and anyway, I'm back. It's great to be back, but I commited one of the greatest mistakes I have ever done in my life, and I truly regret it. However, regretting it is not going to change what happened.

To put it somewhat vaguely, I lost one of my closest friends, simply because I had an innocent schoolgirl crush on him.

Clouds (it was my codename for him...) was always nice to me, ever since the first day of school. He was like a brother to me. I always went to him for a dash of humor when I was bored, a little comfort when I was said, or just for a basic conversation to make me happy again. He was one of the closest guy friends I ever had. Having come from an all-girls school and having no brothers, I was so happy to have a friend like Clouds.

And so, as was probably expected, I developed a little crush on him.

I always felt he was special, and the fact that he was my friend and was super nice to me really added to the crush potential. He also ocassionally showed those 'more-than-friends' signs that you sometimes misread when you are under the influence of crushes. But a part of me constantly reminded me to be careful, I could hurt his feelings or even lose his friendship.

I now really and truly wish I had listened.

Well, under the influence of my crush on him, I was all 'floating on air' kind of thing. I have never been experienced in this business, and I realized, several weeks after I had a crush on him, that it was kind of obvious that I did have a crush on him.

And the worst thing that could happen (and damnit, it did), was that Clouds would find out.

When he did, I felt really really worried. The best thing that I hoped could happen was that he'd just shrug it off as a girl thing that happens a lot, and let it go. Unfortunately, it was the other side of the balance that occurred.

He didn't talk to me that much anymore, he always seemed to move away when I wanted to ask him something, and he looked really angry. I knew right then and there that I commited a terrible mistake. To be honest, I'd rather he talk to me about it, and tell me to stop. I would have preferred that. At least he could still trust me enough to tell me.

In vain, I asked him what was wrong, and this just further caused his anger to fire up. I knew that things were officially messed up now.

Isn't it odd? I've barely spent 2 months at Pisay, and already I have lost one of my trusted friends. It hurts to say that I did lose his friendship and his trust. I don't know why, when I thought he'd understand that this was something that all girls go through. But nevertheless, it was terrible. I lost his friendship.

It's going to be a total nightmare in the next several school weeks. Life now totally sucks. I don't care anymore about crushing; it is easier to lose a crush than to lose a friend. Crushes come and go, but friendship can last as long as forever.

And now, as I sit here, regretting everything I have done, I just wish to go back in time, and make things right. I now wish that I didn't have a crush on him. At least I had his friendship. And now I had lost it.

I am so sorry, Clouds... I suppose I have hurt your feelings once more, and I know you won't forgive me. Even if you won't give me your friendship anymore, just know that you will always have mine.

I may have failed in my duty as a good friend, but you still have my friendship and trust. After all, that is what friends do. And I promise, I will always be your friend.

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: miserable
Current music: Help Me sung by Mandy Moore

How Chocolate Saved the World

2005-07-12T17:59:00.000+08:00

This all started with an English assignment: Write in your journal. What would you say or do to stop an alien named Euzeth from destroying the Earth? The only language that he understands, other than his native language, is English. (I have no idea where my English teacher got Euzeth, but he said it’s from a computer game. I managed to find a picture of Euzeth from the computer game, but it looks nothing like the description I made up in my story. Forgive me for that mistake…)

Well, I threw myself full-on into it, and came out with a story that filled in 7 pages of my notebook. I was proud of my achievement... until I realized that not only did it have to be only 1 paragraph, it wasn't graded. *mutters incoherently*
But my English teacher still thought it was pretty good, you know. It makes me happy to know I can write a good story.
So here's a narrative on how chocolate saved the world. It has hints of Dan Brown in it... it's obvious I'm a huge fan of his, huh? Enjoy! And do leave a comment, please?

*************************************

Euzeth the Alien - Operation Annihilate Planet Earth

EMERGENCY!!! CALL THE CIA!!!

Mission: Convince Euzeth to withdraw his troops from Earth before they begin their attack, set at 2400 hours. Do not resort to methods which will agitate Euzeth and induce him to attack. Speak clear English, his only other language other than Jabunga, a mysterious alien language not yet deciphered by mankind.
Agent: CIA Head Communications Agent, Agent #0312976 - Eruanne. To be dropped off at at the explosion location: Philippine Science High School Main Campus, located at Agham Road, Diliman, Quezon City, Manila, Philippines, at 2130 hours.

THE CLOCK IS TICKING. CAN AGENT ERUANNE STOP EUZETH THE ALIEN BEFORE HE PUTS OPERATION A.P.E. IN ACTION?

2130 – 2 hours 30 minutes left
The helicopter landed in an area some place away from the explosion location. Agent Eruanne stepped out, unarmed. The only defense she will have is her communication.

She stepped into the Front Lobby of Philippine Science High School Main Campus. The whole school was wired with billions of canisters containing the world's most explosive substance: antimatter. Agent Anna shuddered as she saw the silvery globules floating lazily within the canisters, shining with an almost taunting glow.

2140 – 2 hours 20 minutes left
Agent Eruanne stepped nervously into the Girls’ Residence Hall Annex. The DNA tracker she now clasped in her hands began to beep rapidly, indicating that the alien was somewhere in the vicinity of the building. Carefully sidestepping the canisters, she followed the sound of the DNA tracker (containing a single DNA of Euzeth) as she walked around the dormitory.

2150 – 2 hours 10 minutes left
Agent Eruanne stopped quickly as she stood in front of a dormitory room labeled 203. The DNA tracker’s metallic beeping sounded faster and faster, and the device itself began to flash, indicating that Euzeth stood inside the room.

Pocketing her tracker, Agent Eruanne mustered all her courage and English knowledge, as she reached out her hand to twist the metal doorknob, knowing and yet not knowing what lay behind the old wooden door.

2153 – 2 hours 7 minutes left
The first things Agent Eruanne saw were some beds, closets, and tables. At the center of the room, standing at the window, was her enemy: Euzeth the Alien.

He was about as tall as her 6’0” height, and his skin was a ghastly shade of green, mottled with dark purple and black splotches. He stood on two tree-trunks like legs shaded in dark green. One of his four tentacle-like arms held the feared “jump-starter”: the device which would allow the antimatter to fall out of magnetic suspension and come in contact with the matter of the canister; thus, annihilation. Doom.

Euzeth turned away from the window to face her. It was his eyes, however, that made Agent Eruanne feel truly fearful. They were large, yellow, bulbous eyes, with red cat-eye slits. In those slits, she could see anger and the thirst for revenge.

Euzeth surveyed her with his large yellow eyes, and Agent Eruanne felt as though she was being x-rayed.

“So,” he said slowly, his voice low and sounding like he had pebbles in his throat. “Human, pitiful human, have you come to watch your miserable Earth come to an end by the great Euzeth?”

2155 – 2 hours 5 minutes left
Agent Eruanne swallowed nervously, her palms sweaty. “No, I have not,” she answered, as calmly and clearly as she could. “I know I cannot disarm you nor remove you from this place without threatening the safety of the world. I’ve come to talk things through. All I ask is your attention.”

At this, Euzeth cackled evilly, a ghostly laugh that made the hairs on the back of Agent Eruanne’s neck stand on end.

“Hahahaha! You cannot defeat the great Euzeth! I am the smartest, most perfect being in the entire universe! I have managed to penetrate your stupid human defenses. You cannot defeat the most perfect, most intelligent being: I, Euzeth! You pitiful humans, you – “ Here the alien proceeded to say some rather unpleasant terms which cannot be repeated.
“Such an advanced life form… such an advanced ego,” Agent Eruanne thought wryly to herself. She knew how important optimism was in these missions. She needed every ounce of it now.

2205 – 1 hour 55 minutes left
“Please listen,” Agent Eruanne said. “There is no point in destroying the Earth! We humans can help you!” She clasped her hands together nervously.

Euzeth growled at her statement. “It was the Earth that has hurt me and my kin in the first place,” he said. Agent Eruanne thought she heard a tinge of sadness and regret in his voice as he told her his unhappy tale.

“We lived happily, my kin and I, on our planet Oohjabangga, the 3rd planet from the star Faggora in the Sebaro galaxy in the Crab Nebula.” He began. “Then, our head science academy: O.A.S.I.S., or Oohjabangga Advancement in Science Institutional Society, discovered a great material in abundance, found in the soils of our world. This thing you call antimatter. We knew that, if used properly, this material would truly help our society.”

Then his voice seemed to crack, as though the memories of his homeland haunted him. “But, before we could further our research, a piece of your space junk: a 10-pound piece of metal, managed to enter our planet through an ozone hole in the atmosphere. This metal came into contact with our specimens of antimatter, and-” Here he swallowed, as the memories were still fresh in his mind. “Annihilation occurred. Our small humble planet-” Agent Eruanne stifled a snort at the word ‘humble’; the way Euzeth talked about himself certainly wasn’t the epitome of humility. “- was gone forever. Because of you humans, you destroyed my life and the lives of hundreds of others of my kind. For that, I want revenge.” He hissed angrily, leering at Agent Eruanne, opening a mouth to bare sharp, pointed fangs.

2220 – 1 hour 40 minutes left
Agent Eruanne felt a strange remorse for Euzeth. “I am sorry for your loss, Euzeth,” she murmured to the distressed alien. “But destroying the Earth will not bring Ooh… ah, Oohjabangga back! This is madness!”

“Madness?” seethed Euzeth. “My life, my home, everything I had and lived for was destroyed by you! I do not care anymore. I simply want to see the planet that caused me such misery go up in smoke as well! At least you cannot hurt any more of the innocent lives out there!”

In his anger, Euzeth sent a blast of high energy from his tentacle at a bunk bed, labeled Athena in pink above, and Erika in orange below. The bed blazed for a fraction of a second, then crumbled under the blast’s high heat to become a pile of ashes on the tiled floor, scattered like a pile of morbid confetti.

2230 – 1 hour 30 minutes left
Agent Eruanne jumped with fear to see that Euzeth was now angrier than ever. “Wait,” she said. “You cannot destroy the Earth! We are important to the delicate balance of space! Cause the Earth to explode, and you shall cause other heavenly bodies to be affected as well. Things will go awry!

“And, the Earth, it was the start of life! Would you want to burn away all that history, which brought even you to the world?”

“You, humans, bring me into the world?” Euzeth scoffed. “That is utter nonsense! We have far surpassed your puny intelligence! Have you not, stupid human, heard of… panspermia?”

At the last word, Agent Eruanne gasped. Panspermia was a theory that life on earth was seeded from space. It was never proven, but the presence of Euzeth and his mentioning of the theory, made her want to rethink on it. She felt the impact of the theory slam into her mind like a train, mocking her in all its scientific glory.

2245 – 1 hour 15 minutes left
Agent Eruanne cried out in anger and frustration. “NO! You cannot do this,” she whispered, her back making a soft thumping sound as she fell despairingly against a closet.

At the sound, Euzeth fumingly curved a tentacle into a U shape. He then sent out several blasts of high energy, the red laser-like beams coming out of his curved tentacle shaped like a U. These U-shaped beams caught Agent Eruanne full-on, chaining her to the closet by her neck, wrists, and ankles.

Euzeth laughed. “Do not try to get out of there, human,” he cackled. “You will burn like that bed I just sent to ashes.” He gestured to the pile of ashes, which had once been Athena and Erika’s beds. “It was kind of me, not to kill you. I wan to see the expression on your face when you see the time of your world come to an end. Hahahahahaha!”

2310 – 50 minutes left
Agent Eruanne felt tears pricking the backs of her eyes. She saw memories of her 26 years of life on Earth. She remembered picking up history books at the library, eagerly perusing the musty old volumes to learn more about the world. She remembered all the beautiful natural wonders, as well as all the man-made wonders, that she had seen and heard about. Then she saw Euzeth, the Tragic Alien, who refused to let go of revenge.

She was determined not to cry, not to show weakness, but somehow a tear fell from her eye, slipped down her cheek, and fell on the laser ring around her neck. The teardrop lay like a crystal on the laser for a half-second, and then evaporated in the intense heat, releasing a soft smoky haze of steam.

Reminiscing on the Earth’s time, realizing that she had come to the Apocalypse, and the fear of what would ultimately happen. All these feelings overwhelmed her, and with a soft shuddering sigh, she finally allowed the tears to fall, shimmering like diamonds; the shattered pieces of her fearful soul.

The drops fell and lingered on the laser cuff for a heartbeat, then evaporated. Agent Eruanne allowed herself to cry, with the steam of her bitter tears caressing her cheek in her wake.

2340 – 20 minutes left
Agent Eruanne raised her head from its lowered position. She surveyed her surroundings. Euzeth was prowling among the canisters of antimatter, checking to see if they were ready.

Agent Eruanne looked to her right, and her dark brown eyes fell on a bag of M&M’s which lay within a plastic object hanger. Suddenly, an idea welled into her mind as hope welled into her heart.

2350 – 10 minutes left
Agent Eruanne strained to grab the bag of chocolate without alerting Euzeth of her movements. Her fingers grazed the slick packaging, and she clenched it within her fingers. But the laser cuff around her right wrist brushed her skin, and she dropped the bag back into the hanger, shocked and hurt by the heat.

She tried once more to grab it from the object hanger. After several futile attempts, she wanted to give up. But no, not now. Agent Eruanne was not a quitter.

2355 – 5 minutes left
Agent Eruanne smiled as she clasped the bag of M&M’s in her fingers at last. She called out to the alien, “Hey, Euzeth!” The alien turned, then blanched as he saw the object Agent Eruanne held in her right hand.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

2357 – 3 minutes left
Agent Eruanne smirked. “Chocolate,” she said simply. “It was made by man and man alone. If you destroy the Earth, you destroy all… the… chocolate.” She said, emphasizing each syllable of the last three words.

Euzeth shuddered. “No,” he moaned. “Not chocolate! It is the rarest item in the entire universe…”

Agent Eruanne gestured with her eyes at the antimatter canisters, then to the jump-starter in his tentacles, then finally to the bag of candy clutched in her hand.

“It’s your choice, Euzeth. Are you willing to let the ONLY source of the rarest item in the universe die?”

2359 – 1 minute left
Agent Eruanne saw Euzeth shudder violently, as though he was going through a great internal struggle. Which he was.

“Oh… very well!” Euzeth cried out. With a snap of a tentacle, the lasers chaining Agent Eruanne to the closet door disappeared. She fell to the floor with a soft thump. She quickly got up and walked over to the now quiet alien.

“Euzeth,” she said softly. “Take all your antimatter and go. You did the right thing. And, as a token of thanks,” here she paused, smiled, and handed the alien the bag of M&M’s.

“I’ll give you some chocolate.”

Euzeth wrapped a tentacle around the bag of candy. He spoke no words, but Agent Eruanne could read his eyes like a book. And she understood.

Then, with a flash of light, Euzeth the Alien, along with all his antimatter, disappeared from Philippine Science High School, and from the face of the Earth, as if he had never been.

2400 – TIME OUT
Agent Eruanne breathed a sigh of relief. She fell against the closet once more, which was labeled Gabrielle. “Thank goodness for her M&Ms,” Agent Eruanne sighed. “Her chocolate just saved the world.”

Agent Eruanne ran a hand through her thick raven hair, and inspected the damage on her brown skin. The laser had made a small burn in her right wrist, but it was nothing serious. Standing up, she brushed herself off and left the building. She stepped out into the cool night air, staring at the night sky.

For a moment, she thought that some of the celestial bodies seemed to gleam with the colors of M&M’s.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

**************************

So... whadja think? I'm so evil... I practically incinerated my roommates' beds for this... ^^ Do leave a comment, please! *makes puppy dog eyes*

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: very very amused
Current music: Minas Morgul from LOTR:ROTK soundtrack by Howard Shore (I dunno, it just sounds so evil.... mwahahaha)

Survivor: Chicken Pox: Day 6

2005-07-11T19:55:00.000+08:00

Well, the start of Week 2, for Survivor: Chicken Pox... let's see how much longer I can bear this...

I missed a discussion on the Moon and its eclipses and phases in Earth Science, discussion on the history of the Philippines (again.) in Social Studies, a discussion on comparisons (< > =) and the real number line system in Math, more student reports in Integrated Science, batch elections in Homeroom, impromptu public speaking in English, further discussion on Ponemang Suprasegmental in Filipino, and continuation of the circles plate in Drafting.

I didn't miss much today, except for the batch elections. I don't know who won yet. But the piles of what I missed are starting to worry me. Just how much did I miss, and how hard must I work and how much time will it take for me to be able to catch up?

I also went to my doctor today to try and obtain a clearance from the clinic and allow me to go back to school. Sadly, I can only go back to school next week, on July 18, Monday. I was pretty much okay already, and the spots were already beginning to fade, but I still carried the virus within me, and could still infect other people. That was all that was stopping me from going back: the fact that I was still contagious.

When I told my inquiring classmates this, they took it good-humoredly and raised my spirits about it. They told me to please, PLEASE, show up at school, and they didn't mind if anyone got infected. They pleaded with me to show up at school already, since the class was getting TOO quiet for comfort, there wasn't anyone to talk about chocolate saving the world (it's one of my trademarks), and Quintin was starting to get out of control (I'm one of the few people who try to keep him in line).

This really made me feel better. At least my classmates appreciate me... they do, right?

Right?

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: happy, but slightly worried *looks anxiously at the large pile of make-up work accumulating*
Current music: When Will I See You Again? by ??? (I forgot again who wrote this song, but it's a classic for swing dancing... ^^)

Survivor: Chicken Pox: DAYs 4 & 5

2005-07-10T21:49:00.000+08:00

Sorry if I posted this only now... I've been rather ignorant lately, and forgot to post the latest in Survivor: Chicken Pox. Well, here goes anyway...

DAY 4 - 7 July 2005, Thursday
I missed a seatwork on GCF & LCM in Math, a LT in Earth Science (I'm told that not only do you HAVE TO THINK each problem out, the computations are very time consuming... uh-oh), a teacher walk-out in Val Ed (hehehe, Sir Reyes never came back??), checking of the LT in Integrated Science, a poster drawing session in Health, a discussion and quiz on Ponema in Filipino, a wrap-up discussion on past tense in English, and a practice session for the batch party in Com Sci.

I didn't really miss much today, but many of my classmates called, texted, or IM'd me, asking me to come to the batch party tomorrow. I really, REALLY wanted to go, but the fact that I could still infect people kept me from going. They made me feel better about the whole thing, joking about an idea that I could be a bioterrorist and infect everyone... hmm...

I was still a little disappointed that I wouldn't be able to go to the party tomorrow, but I slept contentedly, happy that my classmates missed me, and knew and appreciated my existence.

DAY 5 - 8 July 2005, Friday
I missed a quiz on GCF & LCM in Math, presentations in Val Ed, more discussions on the history of the Philippines in Social Studies, student reporting in Integrated Science (Isay was finally able to report; she's been dying to for ages), a new lesson in English (it's on poetry), and continuation on the circles plate in Drafting, but majority of the day (and the periods of some very generous teachers) was spent practicing for the batch party that would take place tonight.

That was the big thing that I missed. I heard that the performance of Topaz was very good, if not highly humiliating (The guys were especially humiliated, the song being 'Karma'... meaning the girls get to beat 'em up... GO GIRLS!!!). And hey, they won 2nd place! GO TOPAZ!!!

I was rather wistful that I couldn't go, but I was settled to my fate. I anxiously waited for my classmates to come home and go online, and they chatted with me about the party. I didn't miss much, they assured me, and the only thing I missed out on was the humiliation. I laughed and happily talked with them, cheerful now that I heard from them.

Their communications with me don't really make up for the batch party that I missed, but they made me very happy anyway. Amazing what a simple text, call, or IM can do in someone's life...

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: content
Current music: Lose My Breath by Destiny's Child (this was one of the songs Topaz performed in their presentations at the batch party)

Topaz Poetry: Athena

2005-07-08T18:22:00.000+08:00

Here's another poem I wrote for my classmates. This one is about my good friend and dorm roommate Athena. Her pagka-taray yet feminine demeanor often gets strange looks or even fear, but she's more than that, as I have confirmed. Athena, sana huwag ka magalit sa 'kin kung nabasa mo 'to... ^^

Athena

She sits there by the window
Looking like the goddess of wisdom in all her grace
Then you go, and tap her on the shoulder
"Athena?"
And she proceeds to show you the god of war's fiery rage.

Athena.

Long raven hair tumbling like rivers on her shoulders
Dark smouldering eyes that dare you to move to her side
And soft hands that could draw out the beauty of a drawing
Yet just as easily threaten a life when you stoke her fiery side.

With a laughter that was both charming and haunting
She exudes confidence and poise in all her ways
Whether in the dormitory, the cafeteria, or the classroom
In life's playground she happily plays.

She is living proof of "Don't judge a book by its cover."
Secrets hide beneath her sweet smile
She finds her pleasures in simple things
And her gentle demeanor hides under a fiery profile.

She is loyal and loving
Charitable, generous and kind
She finds the beauty in every thing
And she's got a pretty clever mind.

Yet despite the raised eyebrows and strange looks
The fear of her confidence and wit
Whether of her boyishness or her femininity
Or the fire in her eyes when her anger is lit

Athena.
She could be sweet or fiery, sad or happy
Under the burden of life with all its joys and stress
She could be the goddess of love or the goddess of war
But still, a goddess nonetheless.

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: happy
Current music: 'Moment' by ??? (I dunno who sang this, but it came from one of Athena's fave animes, and she sings it in our dorm every night... ^^ It goes like: Dare mo mina samayoi nagara...)

Topaz Poetry: Quintin & Anna

2005-07-08T08:40:00.000+08:00

Here's one of the many poems I wrote about my classmates. I just started writing about all of them for the heck of it. I had no intention to post them online, until my friend Ricky wheedled me into it.
So, here's the first of my Topaz Poetry, about two classmates who drive each other up the wall, and love doing it (and hell no, they are so not a couple! Don't get any ideas).

Quintin & Anna
"Hey Anna, you know, yesterday, when - ?"
"Oh please, Quintin, shut up!"
"Hahaha! Catch me if you can, Anna!"
"Quintin!"

An argument is heard
Over the typical classroom babble
Some stop from daily life to watch
The argument that stops, goes, stops, goes.

But reflect, if you will
On the two beings you are confronted with
They are as different as night and day
But are as close as B and A.

Well, Q and A, anyway.

They are so different, yet so alike.
Short and stout. Tall and thin.
Irritatingly honest. Sarcastic.
Firmly studious. Happy-go-lucky sporty.

And both drive each other up the wall.
A day won't pass without at least one argument
But everyone knows, it's all in fun.

And soon, it is heard
Over the typical classroom babble.
And some stop from daily life to watch
The end of the argument that stops, goes, stops, goes.

"Oh, just stop it already, Quintin!"
"Hey, Anna, I'm sorry! Aww... come on!"
"Oh, alright, fine."

It is resolved
And everyone shrugs their shoulders with a smile
And goes back to daily life

Then, two minutes later...

"Hey Anna, you know, yesterday, when - ?"
"Oh please, Quintin, shut up!"
"Hahaha! Catch me if you can, Anna!"
"Quintin!"

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: highly amused
Current music: So Young by the Corrs

Survivor: Chicken Pox: DAY 3

2005-07-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

I missed a quiz on divisibility rules, GCF, and LCM in Math, a discussion on conditional sentences and a seatwork in English, a discussion on the history of the Philippines in Social Studies, a HUGE LONG TEST in Integrated Science, a groupwork practice in Physical Education, another shot at the circles plate in Drafting, and PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE for the Batch Acquaintance Party...

I missed two big occasions today and I feel somewhat put out because of that. Today marks the first month anniversary of Topaz '09. We have survived 1 month in this big, new high school. They sort of celebrated it in the cafeteria with a heck of a lot of noise and a lot of food (they bought big time from the food stalls and had a huge food trip).

And today, my roommates and I were planning to have our first "pa-deli". They pushed throught with it, just minus me. They had their first delivery, from Pizza Hut, to celebrate Gee-Ann's birthday (it was yesterday) and to celebrate their first anniversary in Pisay and in the dorms.

I really wish I could have gone. I called Erika on her cellphone, and they really missed me. She passed around her cellphone to Athena, then to Gee-ann, then back to her. I really missed them badly, and it was a great comfort to me to hear their voices.
I also heard from my friends Jiggs and Ricky through either the phone, cellphone, or YM. It did me a world of good to hear from them.

I now salute all those people who made the invention of the telephone, the cellular phone, and the Internet possible. Without them, I would not be able to hear from my friends and make me feel better.

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: still happy
Current music: Karma, sung by Alicia Keys (this is one of the songs that Topaz is performing for the party... and it got me thinking: Have I got bad karma, now that I caught chicken pox??)

Survivor: Chicken Pox: DAY 2

2005-07-05T19:39:00.000+08:00

I missed a group work and impromptu speech making in English, a seatwork on GCF and LCM in Math, a discussion on precession in Earth Science, and two student reportings (Erika's and Isay's, I think, I'm not sure) in Integrated Science. Homework: write a report for Earth Science on Milutin Milankovitch and the Milankovitch Cycles. Arial, size 12, black, single-space. Due Monday. WHOA.

Of course, the thing that I missed most, and am most frustrated with, is the Bristol-Myers Squibb Field Trip! I so wanted to go! I heard that it was sooooo much fun at the tour, everyone was singing on the bus trip, Ricky and Da are now the new love team (it makes sense, since the two have been buddy-buddy ever since last week pa... and Khail, huwag kang umiyak... meron pang mga iba diyan! ^_^ jowk jowk), Gee-ann (whose birthday is today.. HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY!) and Michael gave Khail a manicure with black PERMANENT marker, and the bus is a riot in the making (unless it's a riot already).

I couldn't resist any longer, so when I confirmed that they were on the bus heading back to Pisay, I called Isay's cellphone through landline (sorry about the phone bills, but I just could not resist!) just to hear what was going on. The moment Isay answered... BLAM!! The sounds emanating from the speaker of the phone were so loud! But, what did I expect from Topaz?Isay put her phone on loud speaker, and soon I heard an echo of "HI!!!!" "We miss you, when are you coming back?" "Whazzup whazzup??" "How are ya?" "HEYA!!!!!!!" I was holding the phone about three inches away from my ear by then, and I could still hear them clearly.

Isay's cellphone was passed around for a while, and I listened to the stories of the day. Soon I had to put down the phone for fear of my phone bills. I bid them good-bye and put the phone. Their voices were so loud, so joyous, so cheerful, that they still rang happily in my ears and in my mind long after I put the phone down. I could remember the shouts, the laughter, the singing, and the endless talking that would have driven anyone up the wall.

It was all music to my ears.

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: happy
Current music: "The Right Time" by the Corrs (I know I picked the wrong time to fall ill, but I picked the right time to call my classmates... high-energy time. ^_~)

SURVIVOR: Chicken Pox (a.k.a. What I Was Thinking While Trying to Ignore the Itchy Annoying Spots)

2005-07-04T18:47:00.000+08:00

I have spent the past week confined in my bedroom, because I grew sick with chicken pox. I was very angered at first, because I was missing big time. It was rather annoying for me, because it had to occur mid-quarter, just when all the big-percent-of-the-grade projects, FIELD TRIPS, and long tests were coming in. AND THE BATCH ACQUAINTANCE PARTY.
And I had to miss all this for two weeks. If you're studying in Pisay, missing two weeks worth of classes is almost a death sentence. It basically meant, Work extra EXTRA hard to catch up, or it's a 5 for you.

I have no intention to get that terrible grade. So I called up my friends on the phone and grilled them on homework, tests that I missed, and all the social life fun that I missed as well.

I decided to write down everything I missed so it would be easier to know where to start and where I needed catching up. And the way I recorded it made me think of Survivor! I hope you enjoy the following updates, since they'll be detailing how school life is going without me. Let's see how long I can stand being out of the loop (it's something I've really hated).

So here's a day-by-day account of what was going on in Pisay, minus me. I was thinking on it all, while trying to ignore the itches that were begging to be scratched (and I swear, I am NOT going to scratch them; I've got a complexion to think of, thanks).

WEEK 1

Day 1 - 4 July 2005, Monday

I missed a lecture on revolution in Earth Science, a debate on oil price deregulation in Social Studies, a seatwork on divisibility rules in Math, two quizzes (one in English, about an article we were reading, and one in Filipino, about Wika & Ponema... the latter was said to be torture). I also missed a meeting in Drafting where we had to do a drawing of circles. And wowiez... notes came in floods during Integrated Science.

I missed out on some excitement. For starters, I'm not the only one who's absent. My seatmate, Jiggs (see older entries for more details on him hehehe), was also absent, with fever. I knew that fever was one of the beginning symptoms before the blisters of chicken pox appeared, so I felt so worried and guilty the entire day, because I thought that I infected him.

I also heard that my super annoying classmate, Daryll, had another freak attack (or were there two? Three?) during the day. In Math class, to do the SW given, the class had to divide in pairs. Even though Jiggs and I were absent, it was still possible for everyone to get exact pairs. Well, after almost everyone paired up, Daryll was still left without a partner, and he ended up pairing with EJ (the guy who infected me with chicken pox, darnit!). He didn't want to be paired up with EJ, he wanted to be paired up with Khail (one of my closest guy friends who is somewhat on the effeminate side [joke lang, Khail!]).
So Daryll shouted at EJ and pushed him and his chair around, just before bursting out crying. Jeez. Get real!
Then, when my class were planning for the Batch Acquaintance Party (I can't believe I'm gonna miss it! *cries*), he cried again because he didn't want to sing, but he didn't want to dance, either. My gawd, could anyone be more picky??
And I think it was because of all this that Daryll attemted jumping out of the classroom window. Again. And as before, it was Khail who stopped him. And, as usual, Daryll got pissed off at Khail. Same old thing that happens
whenever Daryll does an attempt at "suicide".

As I listened to Isay (she's the one I call for HW and all other necessary updates) chatter about everything on the phone, I laughed with her and tried to imagine the rest. What was highly amusing, and kind of was touching to me in a twisted sort of way, was that Khail was kind of "pissed" at EJ, because he got me sick, and now he doesn't have that much people to talk to and no one to play volleyball with. Awww.... thanks Khail, and don't worry, nandyan pa si Prissy (I hope your dare pushes through!).

Well, I've survived one day. My spots are still coming out and are still itchy. But maybe they'll tone down in a bit.

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: amused
Current music: "Two Worlds" sung by Phil Collins, OST Tarzan (Ricky and I were singing it all week long last week, and it kind of stuck with me... ^_^)

Thanks for the advice, Reg!

2005-07-01T17:11:00.000+08:00

I want to post this thank you to one of my friends: Reg. She's got a blog, too, and she was the one who got me on my feet and helped me realize what I did wrong. You're amazing, Reg!! *runs around, does a series of breakdancing (thanks for teaching me, Cyd!), then waves flags saying "REG ROCKS!!!!"*

So here's a little poem for you, Reg.... and thanks again.

Back on my Feet

I was so excited
I'm finally in high school!
But I forgot everything else
The euphoria swept over me
Until I forgot how to be a friend
And I hurt a good friend's feelings deeply
And I don't know if I could make things right
I wonder, could I really, truly pull this off?
I just had so many anxious doubts
But then a good friend of mine
Came and pulled me up
Back on my feet.

So now I'm ready to fix things up
And I'm so thankful I can
So thank you, Reg
For pulling me up
And reminding
That life
is like
that.
You
knew
what was
Right and true
So now I'm giving
A big thank you to you
Thank you very very much
For getting me back on my feet.

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: Thankful
Current music: I'll Be There For You from "Friends"

Cry My Soul to Sleep

2005-06-26T19:29:00.000+08:00

Keeping up with my newly revised Left Behind, I want to share with you the experiences that brought me to rewrite it.

I was in High School, my section was Topaz. We had a reputation for being enthusiastic, rather noisy, but still creative and witty. Great way to start off the school year, huh?

Well, the first week was great. I felt accepted by everyone, the teachers, the upper years, the girls, even the guys, which was a new experience for me. Having no brothers and coming from an exclusive all-girls school, guys were a total mystery to me. So I was glad that they were all so nice.

Supposedly.

That all changed in the second week.

I realized that I was betrayed once more. Allow me to elaborate.

I was running for Class President. I wasn't after the recognition, the leadership, or anything like that. Back at my old school, I was hated, not accepted, the victim. If I became President of Topaz (or pretty much any position, I don't want to be picky), it would show that my classmates appreciated me, that they knew I existed and had feelings too. That they cared for me.

I was wrong.

I did not get the position. After all their reassurances that they would stand by me. I know it's rather petty to complain over something as simple as class presidency. But after your friends, even your best friends, pull your hopes up so high, and to thank them, you work so hard for those hopes to be fulfilled... and then make you fall with a painful crash and they expect you to be okay with no wounds... it hurts so bad.

I was wounded. And they couldn't see that.

I suppose all this was partly my fault. After having been taunted for so long, and finding such open, accepting people in Pisay, I totally threw myself into making first year the best. I worked my way to become good friends with not just the class, but the batch. And I thought I was doing fine. So I pulled myself higher.

Without a safety net.

I guess I went over with it. I know that two weeks of familiarity could not replace the years of friendship that most of my class had (some of them knew each other before or were classmates before). I tried, and I failed greatly. I found out the truth the hard way.

One way I tried to get to know my classmates is by making a class book. I wrote each of my classmates' names on a page in a notebook, one name per page. And people would write nice things about that person, so we could know each other's good qualities (not bad things, please; I went through that already).

So, one day, while waiting for the teacher, I was writing on one of my classmates' pages. Specifically, the page of my good friend and seatmate: Jiggs. He noticed what I was writing about him ("a really funny 'seester'"), then he looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a slightly hurt expression.

"Why are you writing that? You don't even know me; you don't know any of us!"

He said this with a firm, slightly angry voice. A voice that still haunts me, mocks me of my failure to realize what was staring at me in the eye.

I also heard from my other classmates: Prissy, Quintin, Gee-ann, Jiggs, Athena, Erika, Ricky, Isay, Luigi (so many, huh? and that's not even 1/3 of the class)... and so on... that they saw me as a sort of playgirl. How was that? Why? I never did anything. I simply tried to befriend everyone. And once again, I saw the lesson I failed to learn: you can't be friends with everyone. And definitely you can't be friends with ANYone in only two weeks' time.

So, now I know that majority, if not all, of my classmates, don't like me at all. My struggles, once again, were all for nothing.

When I learned all this, when I realized I was left behind once more, I wanted to scream at them, break them, make them apologize for things that were actually my fault. I wanted to leave my class and transfer. Or even better, I just wanted the ground to swallow me up, and allow time to go back to the first day of class, just so I could make things right.

I knew I couldn't. There was no one to blame but me. I couldn't leave my class now. I can't turn back time, except perhaps in my dreams. But perhaps there is something else I can do.

I know now what I must do. It won't remedy the damage done in the past, simply because it's in the past. But it's laid the foundation of everything that's gone wrong now. I have to stop doing what they feel is wrong, because I have hurt my classmates when I did those things.

I know now that it was wrong to try and make friends too soon. People are not as trusting as I am (I am too trusting maybe; why else have I fallen, now in today's evil world?). I have to stay away for a while. Maybe, I will understand what is going on, and then I can try to remedy it all. Maybe.

But for now, it's time for me to release everything first. Like my poem:
Shattering the dam of my heart
Finally allowing the tears to flow
A mad torrent released
In the hurt of betrayal
The bittersweet pain
Is all I have left.

For now, I will just let go. After, I will get up, and do what I decided I would do. But for now, I will just have a little cry, for the people I have hurt because of what I have done.

I'm sorry, Topaz. I have hurt you all, and you pay the price for everything I've done wrong. Now, I am simply reaping what I have sown. The bitter fruit is mine alone.

So these tears I shed now... these tears are for you.

I will let the tears go now, now that I am alone.

Because at least now, no one, not my classmates especially, will be able to hear me cry my soul to sleep.

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: desolate, devastated, absolutely in the pits of despair
Current music: 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by Green Day

P.S. The last line came from Jemi Gr's amazing fanfic: Cry My Soul to Sleep. It's a CATS fanfic that I feel I truly can relate with. You rock, Jemi Gr!

Left Behind Revised

2005-06-26T10:56:00.000+08:00

Here's a revised version of a poem that I shared with you before. I revised it so I could fit all the new things I feel, now that I am experiencing it again. *sigh, sniffle*

I know I haven't been doing that Portfolio Period thing for quite a while, since I sort of forgot and was rather bored with it. And anyway, I had to give my portfolio back and I forgot all the stuff I wrote in it, save a few poems.

So here's one of my most emotional poems, revised. I felt this when I was left behind by the barkadas of my elementary school, and I feel it now when I was made so happy and my hopes brought up, then was betrayed and crashed down again, by my first year high school class.

Topaz 09... this is from me to you.

Left Behind

You see them
And so do I
We walk towards you all
Your lips curve into smiles
Your eyes brightened
Two listen to another's jokes
More laugh with merriment in their eyes
Several chatter further away

I watch you all
Not really doing anything
Just staying, listening... waiting.

Then you all stand up
And group together
Without a backward glance
And I am left behind.

The door is shut soundly
Its loud bang echoing in my soul
Shattering the dam of my heart
Finally allowing the tears to flow
A mad torrent released
In the hurt of betrayal
The bittersweet pain
Is all I have left.

I look on from the sidelines
Alone and unloved
As you all go through your paces
You all seem to be whole...

... and I am only one.

~~ Eruanne
Current mood: miserable
Current music: 'Minsan Pa' words by Rolando Tinio, music by Jose Mari Chan

Missing Pope John Paul II

2005-04-04T13:38:00.000+08:00

I just wanted to interrupt the little Portfolio Period, to remember a special someone who passed away last Saturday morning. Our Pope, John Paul II.

I hold a special place in my heart for the Pope. He went to my country, the Philippines, twice, and according to him and his friends, he holds a special place in his heart for the Philippines as well.
Anyway, I have always seen him as someone to look up to. He really fits in his title: Father. He has always acted like a father, towards his millions of 'children' in the world. He has traveled all over the world, to lend a helping hand. He was a fighter for peace, and he has touched the lives of millions.
Yet he never viewed himself extraordinary. He was a very simple, humble soul, and a wonderful man. He was caring, and had a very witty sense of humor. As someone (I forgot who) very aptly put it, "You feel like, when you are with him, that God is in the same room with you... but somehow it is like you are still with someone who is one of us."

I am very saddened, yet relieved, by this. I know that millions feel the same way I do: saddened because they have lost their Pope, yet relieved at the same time, knowing that he is at peace in Heaven. It is obvious, because of the large numbers of people who have gone to St. Peter's Square to pay their respects, and the feel of sorrow all over the world. From the Americas, to Europe, to Africa, and to Asia, people have stopped in their busy lives to pray for the man who made a great difference in humanity. I can understand their grief, but I feel that perhaps it is time, sine the Pope himself said, with his last breath, "My mission is accomplished." And indeed, he has accomplished it greatly. He has touched so many lives and brought light into the lives of many. Now that light has been extinguished.

I am relieved however, that the Pope is finally where he has longed to be: in Heaven, in the arms of our Blessed Mother Mary. He is happy and at peace at last. God has taken him from us, from his earthly life, but has brought him to a greater place, to the regions unknown to human comprehension, known simply to our minds as Heaven. I cannot say that I know how the Pope feels now, but I feel somehow that he is watching over me and the rest of the world, smiling his famous gentle smile, and praying for all of us.

We have lost a precious man in our lives. But I know that he is finally free from his earthly bonds, and has risen and finished the journey to eternal life. And I am content, knowing that when the time comes, I, too, will make that journey home, and will see him again.

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: wistful
Current music: 'Ave Maria' (I'm not sure who the original author of this song is)

Sounds of Silence

2005-04-02T14:46:00.000+08:00

Okay, like I promised... here's the first few entries of my English Portfolio... let's start with Poetry!!

Sounds of Silence
-- a poem reflecting the misery and loneliness of one who is deaf.

A bird sings its song
Its beak opened wide
But I hear it not, so let me tell you
A secret I long to hide

I see the bird, I see the violin
I see the colours of the drum
But I hear no song, I hear no sound
I hear not the music from a guitar you strum

I hear only the sounds of silence
Cold, unfeeling, and black
I beg to my God
"Please give my hearing back!"

I can see, smell, touch, and taste
But I hear nothing, nothing at all
I cannot hear people speaking
Or hear a person's call

What have I done to deserve this curse?
For to live in a silent prison is like death
My Lord, why, oh why,
Did I have to become deaf?

If only I could hear
For one precious day
Or even just one moment, I don't care
I just want to hear, I pray

To hear the howl of the wolf
Against the wind's quiet hiss
To hear music from instruments
Ah, I desire such bliss

But alas! I hear nothing
I cannot answer your calls
Or hear the rushing sound of water
Flowing over waterfalls

I hear only the sounds of silence
Blank, empty, and nothing else
I hear not the laughter of happy children
Or the sweet tinkle of silver bells

I feel my world crashing around me
Like the shattering of glass
What remains is only the quiet scream of silence
The kind that lasts.

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: sympathetic, reflective
Current music: 'Fragments of Memories' from Final Fantasy VIII

Left Behind

2005-04-02T11:35:00.000+08:00

And more poetry... this one is based on one of my experiences.

Left Behind
-- a poem portraying the feelings of one who has been left behind and forgotten by people he/she thought were his/her friends.

You see them
And so do I
We walk towards you all
Your mouths curved into smiles
Your eyes brightened
As we sat ourselves near you
Two of you whisper together
Another three chatter further away
I watch you all
Not really doing anything
Just watching, listening...
Waiting.
Then you all stand up
And group together
And head outside
Without a backward glance
The door is shut soundly
Its loud bang echoing in my soul
Then... silence.
Silence so deafening it hurts
I look on from the sidelines
As you all go through your paces
You all seem to be whole...

... and I am only one.

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: slightly moody
Current music: 'Truth' from Final Fantasy VIII

The Hands of the Artist

2005-04-01T23:07:00.000+08:00

More poetry...

The Hands of the Artist
-- a poem about how a simple artist’s hands made magic in his work, and how this magic inspired others to do the same.
I watched the artist who sat in the street
Every morning he would be there
And in his hands would be
A sheet of paper, some canvas, a lump of clay
A paintbrush, a pencil, some paint
As he picked up these various items
He and I knew
His hands would work his magic
To make something new
His hands covered the canvas with skilled strokes
His eyes taking in his painted designs
His hands gently sculpted the clay
Unearthing hidden treasures within
His hands sketched on the paper
Placing his fantasies on the sheet
And in all his work, his hands
Drew my gaze
They were blackened with coal
When he made a sketch
They were stained with paint
When a painting was his plan
They were streaked with clay
When he sculpted his work
But in my beauty-loving eyes
All these blemishes gave his hands
A beauty all their own
They showed hours of work and dedication
They showed how he poured love and joy into his artA
nd they showed the life and magic he made
I admired how his hands
Tirelessly gave something new life
I longed to do the same
So I copied the movements of his hands
Making my own little magic
Making any and all art there is
And when I was done, I saw
That my hands now resembled his.

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: calm
Current music: 'Julia' from Final Fantasy VIII (Hehehe, lately I became interested in finishing my game of FF8, and just for kicks I downloaded some of the music)

Let the Heaviside Drag

2005-04-01T23:04:00.000+08:00

Check this out... I found it at a CATS fan site: Mevima's CATS Insanity... it's a cool site.Anyway, I was very interested in this article... it's not something that you would see everyday... here's the link! Enjoy!

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: amused, interested
Current music: 'Macavity' from CATS

Portfolio Period

2005-03-30T07:21:00.000+08:00

Okay... now that school's over, I can run through some of my rubbish. I finally have my English Portfolio back, so I want to share my work here on the Net for the next few entries. By the way, our English Portfolio is basically a compilation of our work, composed of fiction, non-fiction, poetry, and drama (but I didn't do drama, heehee... not good at that).

I hope you will enjoy reading my work. I'm also glad that you can't see the actual documents... you wouldn't be able to read the handwriting *sheepish grin*.

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: calm
Current music: 'Evenstar' from The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, music by Howard Shore, featuring Sheila Candra

I'm graduating!!!

2005-03-24T12:45:00.000+08:00

Wow, I can't believe it. I am going to graduate on April 6, 2005. I am going to high school!! WAHOO!!

Of course, I am feeling quite nervous. I'm transfering schools (I'm going to PSHS!!) and I have to adapt to a whole new environment. I have to be more disciplined, independent and responsible. But hey, high school is the best four years of academic life! (Elementary you are young & naive, College you have to be all uptight and serious)

I'll also miss a lot of things. I know that there's always something you have to leave behind whenever you change, but it doesn't make the pain lessen. First of all, I'll definitely miss my friends back here, I'll miss the notably easier subjects, and I'll miss the all-around fun and carefree life of elementary. Yet I'm also very eager to go to high school. I look forward to the challenge it will bring. Bring it on!!

I'm soooo excited! Can you believe it? I'M GRADUATING!!

This is the moment when I'm just so glad to sing that grad song... the words are just so true... ::here's an excerpt:: "Although we say goodbye, we still reach up high. Although we'll soon move on, we will still be one. Though we cry and fall, we get up strong and tall. We will conquer the road.
We have dared to dream."

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: excited, yet somewhat wistful
Current music: 'Moving Forward' by Manwathiel, my best friend (she wrote our grad song!! You rock!!)

CATS Quiz Craze

2005-03-23T20:50:00.000+08:00

Okay, you know how this goes... except this time, it's with CATS! Yay, I have a new obsession!! *grin*
Here goes!!

Which Jellicle Tom are You?

Alonzo!

Which Jellicle Tom are you?
brought to you by

Which Female Character from CATS are You?
Jemima... adorable and with the most gorgeous voice
i've ever heard, you are one of my favorite
characters. You're very much multitalented and
are optimistic and sweet and most of all HAPPY!
Each day is a purposeful search for the meaning
of happiness but you still enjoy it, and once
you figure it out, a new life is waiting for
you.

Which Female Character from CATS the musical are you?
brought to you by

Which Jellicle Cat are You?
You are Mistofelees

Not
only are you adorable,but you've also got many
talents. You're caring,and you are very
popular.
You enjoy being entertaining,and
will do anything to please a crowd!

Which Jellicle Cat are you? (CATS - The Musical)

*~*~*~*~*I do love CATS... and I love Misto!! *big happy grin* ~~ Eruanne
Current mood: happy
Current music: 'Magical Mr. Mistoffelees' from CATS (music by Andrew Lloyd Webber... you rock!!)

I Love CATS!

2005-03-05T10:59:00.000+08:00

Okay, more getting-to-know-you things...

I love CATS. No, not the Felis catus kind... the one by Andrew Lloyd Webber, TS Elliot... You know, the musical? It's so cool!

Of course, this doesn't mean I'm trashing LOTR. Hell no! LOTR is my first priority, followed by CATS. So, you're assured that I will always be an LOTR fan.

It's really fascinating. It's also quite amusing to see the human world from a feline's point of view. It's a musical I would definitely recommend you to watch. Such a pity they stopped producing it in Broadway *sniffle*. Just watch the video, it's the only one left... *sigh*

Oh, well, I never! Was there ever a musical so clever as CATS by Andrew Lloyd Webber? *sung in the tune 'Magical Mr. Mistoffelees'*

~~ Eruanne

P.S. The video has drop-dead gorgeous people in it, too! Jacob Brent & John Partridge are SO CUTE!!! *drool*
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: "Magical Mr. Mistoffelees", from CATS

Me = Fanfiction!

2005-02-22T10:08:00.000+08:00

Okay, I'm going to let you know a little bit more about me. Here goes!

I am a fanfiction writer. It's one of the ways I show appreciation for my fandom. I've been writing fanfiction, whether in fingerpaint, crayon, pencil, pen, or typewritten, for quite a long time. I had always fantasized being with my favorite characters, be it Barney the Dinosaur or Legolas from The Lord of the Rings. Of course, I didn't know that what I was doing was fanfiction, until I turned 10. I learned about sites that took fanfiction, and I decided to take the challenge of writing fanfiction, and having people actually read it. The reviews, few but encouraging (and no flames, thank goodness!), helped me build my self-confidence as a writer. And I'm still ongoing with that, but at a slower pace, since I need to concentrate on my studies and other priorities a lot more now.

I write all sorts of fandoms, but my favorites to write about is The Lord of the Rings (doh), Harry Potter, some anime (I was never consistent with this; Rurouni Kenshin was the one I did the most anime work on, I guess), and CATS (the video/musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber, not the book [sorry, T.S. Elliot]). More to come, hopefully!

I also specialize in specific genres of fanfiction. I'm good at romance, angst, and... okay, you may be shocked at this, but... I am a good writer at slash. Yes, slash (if you are not familiar with this, slash is homosexuality *unaware reader gasps*). I do LOTR, HP, and Cats slash. ^.^ Do not kill me, please, it's fanfiction, anything's possible!

Basically, you can see that I am very into fanfiction. It is very challenging & fascinating to see what you can write, and also a helpful & fun way to hone your writing skills. Go and try... it's a lot of fun!

~~ Eruanne

Current mood: happy, slightly sheepish
Current music: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats (from CATS; Andrew Lloyd Webber)

More LOTR Quiz Craze!

2005-02-03T10:04:00.000+08:00

Here we go again!

Which LOTR man gets you hot?

Your Ideal Guy Is Legolas Greenleaf! He's the
strong, silent type with long blonde hair that
you're just dying to curl in your fingers, sexy
high cheek bones, pointed ears that just beg to
be nibbled and the well-toned arms of an archer
that are just raring to sweep you off your feet
and carry you to his bed chamber...we're sure
he's quite ready to show you *his* arrows...

what Lord of the rings man gets you hot?
brought to you by

I could not believe this... I took a similar test to this, but I ended up with Sam? Hmm...

What LOTR:FOTR scene should you be in?

Your Scene would be when Frodo is getting chased by
the Ring-Wraiths when Arwen is saving him.

Which Lord of the Rings:FOTR scene should you be in?
brought to you by

Darn right! So I can kick her off Asfaloth! (Sorry, I am NOT an Arwen fan. Quite the opposite.)

What LOTR character's eyes do you have?

You have Aragorn eyes! You're pretty much fed up
with these other losers and quite bored. After
all, you are king and you already have a hot
chick... what else do you need? Who really
cares about that ring anyway?

Which Lord of the Rings Character's Eyes do you have?
brought to you by

Yay, neat!

As proven here, LOTR quizzes rock! (many thanks to Quizilla)

~~ Eruanne

current mood: amused
current music: The White Tree (LOTR:ROTK Soundtrack)

KC's Da List Updates!

2005-02-03T09:54:00.000+08:00

Okay, here are some updates on KC's Da List!

7. *Important: Before doing, run to a mirror and say "I am pretty!" Then hug yourself! Okay, go!
Skip around your house. Wear a pillowcase/bathrobe/very big dress. If you're feeling daring... wear your swimsuit! And hum loudly!
8. *Same Before Doing procedure as w/ #7
Know any place you can watch the sun set? Do try, it's beautiful!
9. *Same Before Doing procedure as w/ #7
Hum a church song, pray to our Lord, or do something unusual for Him! Try wearing your clothes inside out for Him! Oh wait, hang on... umm... just sing or pray...

Thanks KC! Btw, if anyone here has used even at least one of KC's Da List items, please let me know! (saqqara_10@yahoo.com)

~~ Eruanne *wearing a pillowcase, staring out the window into a glorious sunset, & humming Alleluia*

Pleasure & Pain in Friendship

2005-01-22T13:33:00.000+08:00

I really am touchy about friendship issues, ne? Here's another experience.

Today I attended a little party at my good friend Tariel's house. Nothing much really, just a post-exam celebration sort of thing. I arrived "fashionably late", as they would say, if you considered 4 hours late that kind of thing. I arrived at around 5 in the afternoon. (I had another party that morning.)

The celebration was highlighted by the watching of the ROTKEE! I had longed to watch that thing for so long. I ran to Tower Records at every possible moment in the mall, yet they had none. They only received 4 sets in the first batch, and even though I reserved, I wasn't part of the first 4.

The ROTKEE watching was very nice, let me tell you. Absolutely amazing! I am still in awe over it. It also made me feel very... oh, I don't really know. It gave me a warm, contented feeling. Not just because I was watching a wonderful movie; I was watching it with my friends. That made things doubly special.

In between scenes, Manwathiel, Eruwaedhiel, Caramiriel, and Tariel would joke and laugh about things in the movie, or something else altogether. Sometimes they would chat about things I couldn't really understand. Although it kind of made me feel weird, sitting there just watching while they chatted, I reassured myself with my usual firm stubborness that it was not their fault I didn't know.

But, as it does at times, my selfish side started to creep over, mentally bashing my conscience with taunts. I refused to wallow in self-pity. And let me tell you now, I am NOT doing this for sympathy plays. Writing is a place to let yourself go.Anyway, my selfishness started to murmur angry thoughts in my head. You know for a fact, Eruanne... it hissed at me, smiling at my mental torture. You have longed for true friends... but they never came. They never cared.

My logic, stubborness, and grit fought back. They cared, I told myself. The fact that you are sitting here with them right now proves that well enough. And I knew in my heart that I was right. My selfishness rolled its eyes, and retreated back to the shadows of my mind. However, before it left, it murmured three more words that left great uncertainty in me.

I'll be back.

I guess that my selfish side had decided to come when I was most relaxed. It kind of had a point, though. I have always longed for the truest friends. The kind I could trust, respect, and love, and they would do the same for me. Maybe my friends do. But sometimes, it is so hard to see. Take Idhrenniel and KC as an example. They trust each other implicitly, and it was extremely easy to see.

Jealousy, ignorance, and pain can often hack away at one when you least expect it. I reassured myself, as well as I could, that friends can often speak a language without words or actions. I knew that life does not always give you everything you want, or in the way you want it. I have friends, who care for me. Maybe not in the way that I often thought or wished, but still, they care. And that's all that matters.

They may not trust me yet with the trust, respect, and love that I hope for, but I am content that they trust me with their back.

As I will always trust them with mine.

~~ Eruanne

P.S. The last two paragraphs were inspired by a statement I read in a story by Kaly (razrbkr@juno.com). Just want to reassure you that I don't mean any plagiarism or anything like that.

KC's Da List

2005-01-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

From my past entries, you know who KC is, right? She's that really nice person who helped me out with some of my problems. Anyway, she's quite witty as well, and had a wonderful way to cheer me up. She gave me something called "Da List", which is a list of things to do to keep me happy. She adds things to Da List little by little. Right now it's at 6.
Here... take a look!
*~*~*~*~*
DA LIST
1. Wash your face with the coolest water your tap can give.
2. Get a nice drink of water-- or better yet, Milo! Ice tea or juice will do great too!
3. Hug yourself tightly. (That's from me!)
4. Buy yourself something sweet from the concession stands.
5. Sing one or all of these songs... in the shower:
a. You are my Sunshine
b. Shalala c. Da Coconut Nut
d. Pearly Shells
6. Talk to a wall. Keep the conversation light and pleasant.
*Tip: Conversation starters:
"Hi Wall! You're looking newly painted today! What a nice shade of ____"
"You're the best and most beautiful wall ever!" (say this out of other walls' earshots)
Assure the wall that you love it unconditionally.
Give it a nickname.
Hug it.
Take it out for a walk. (No, I'm kidding! Don't you dare!)
*~*~*~*~*
Oh... thanks so much, KC! These things really add some humor to my life!
To everyone else, expect more! Like I said, KC will add some more stuff to Da List sooner or later! And trust me, things will get better and better! (You never know what KC's thinking... she'll do things no normal, boring person would do.)

~~ Eruanne

LOTR QUIZ CRAZE

2005-01-11T06:20:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone!

Well... on this certain Tuesday, I was going to have volleyball training in the afternoon. But since we are dismissed from classes at 12:00 on Tuesdays, and it would be way too much bother and gasoline to drive me back & forth, I decided to stay in school and play on the internet.

Naturally, I went onto an LOTR site. Arwen-Undomiel.com, to be exact. And I spent quite a while twiddling with the quizzes. Hehehe... here are my results!

How well do you know LOTR quotes?

You're amazing! You obviously didn't miss a single
line while watching FOTR or TTT. You probably
walk around your house singing the hobbits
drinking song and annoying your parents by
calling your family cat
"Preciousss..." Excellent job. I'm
impressed.

How well do you know LOTR movie quotes?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Little LOTR Numbers Quiz

You are the best! :)

A Little Lord of the Rings has many numbers Quiz :)
brought to you by Quizilla

What Legolas are you?

You're a Tree-hugger Lass! You love the Greenie
side of Legolas, and appreciate the ecological
message of LOTR. In your opinion, the best
thing about elves is that they can talk to
trees.

What kind of Legolass are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How long would you survive in Tolkien's world?

Hmmm... I have to admit, you are good enough to
survive Middle-earth. You might not escape
unscathed, but you will survive. Would you
like to join the PPC, we need people of your
remarkable resilience and intelligence.

How long would you survive in Tolkien's Middle-earth?
brought to you by Quizilla

A General LOTR Quiz

Your a LOTR Fanatic. You have seen the Movies, Read
the books and know just about everything on the
topic (nice to know i'm not the only one)

General LOTR Quiz (maybe hard, maybe not. u decide)
brought to you by Quizilla

Hehehe... I'm an LOTR Fanatic, and proud of it! :D

~~ Eruanne

Pal Problems II

2005-01-06T09:03:00.000+08:00

Hi again! I'm still struggling with my pal problems... Oh by the way, if you think I'm shallow and immature, I'm sure that you probably went through something like this at least once in your life, so I guess you know how it feels. Anyway, here goes...

Okay, Idhrenniel and some of the other group members gave me gifts for Christmas. I got them Friendship frames, since I thought that meant that they weren't angry with me anymore.

I couldn't have gotten it more wrong.

They still don't talk to me the way they used to. They don't eat lunch with me, or even invite me to. (but I think that's partly my fault.) They don't play volleyball with me anymore. I fell again, and this time, KC wasn't there to save me. She still talks to me and all that, but not that much anymore. I guess it's partly my fault. I don't think I can talk to KC without invoking annoyance from Idhrenniel. So, before, KC and I communicate by e-mail. But I haven't received any replies from her. My last reply from her was three weeks ago!

With KC kind of out of my reach at this point, I sought my true friends. Funny to some, they were in the higher and lower levels, but that didn't matter to me at all. They made me feel so happy again, and I am thankful to them for that. Of course, I still wanted to hang out with a friend in my level.

So, I stayed with Manwathiel. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm not going to her just because I'm having some PR problems. I've always been friends with her since Grade 5. She's a really nice person. Lots of people say she's my best friend. I don't know, because she said so herself that she prefers to be good friends with everyone, rather than to hang out with just one person. I agree with her, but I am happy to say that I am one of her closer friends. She and I don't need to tell each other nor explain it out, we just are.

Manwathiel and my other friends have made me feel better, but I still have a tiny bit of anger left on Idhrenniel and her group (excluding KC, she's still nice). So, in an ironic twist, I found my anger in a song written by Idhrenniel's fave band, Simple Plan. The song was "Welcome to my Life". Here's a copy:
*~*~*~*~*
"Welcome To My Life" - Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
But no one hears you screaming

*Pre-Chorus*
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

*Chorus*
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desparate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and their stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

*Pre-Chorus*
*Chorus*

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like what it's like

*Chorus*

No you don't know what it's like [x2]
Welcome to my life [x3]

*~*~*~*~*
There you go, Idhrenniel. Of course, I want to change some lines. I don't think no one was there to save me (Manwathiel, KC, and my other friends definitely saved me), but I'm referring to the group that I thought liked me for me. And I don't think my life was really over, for reasons stated in the parenthesis above.

But... well, Idhrenniel, if you're somehow, by a cruel twist of fate, are reading this, I just want to let you know: Idhrenniel... Welcome to my life.

~~ Eruanne
P.S. I dedicate this to Manwathiel, the best friend I ever had here in my level. You got me through the first blows, and you're still helping me out, whether you know it or not. Thank you so much.

My LOTR Friends: truly my best friends

2005-01-03T06:56:00.000+08:00

Mae govannen mellon nin!

I wanted to use this opportunity to tell you about my friends. I mean, my real, true, best friends. The fact that they are all older than me doesn't matter at all. I would love to tell you all their real names, but for privacy's sake I'll use their elven names.

*~*~*~*~*
My best(?) friend that's closest to my age is Manwathiel. She's really witty, amazingly nice, super loyal & trustworthy, and basically, a really great friend. She's also artistic and musically inclined (her piano, voice, and flute talents are amazing) I've known her since grade 4, but it was only this year that I got to be closer to her. I can tell her practically anything. She's really nice to me, and we are good friends, despite the fact that we don't normally show that. (for more details, see Pal Problems II)

Manwathiel's sister's name is Eruwaedhiel. She's as nice as Manwathiel. Both of them are really gifted in the arts. Eruwaedhiel here helps me out when I have problems. She's also quite intelligent, and musically inclined. (her voice & piano is so cool)

Then, there's Caramiriel. She's the one who taught me how to write Elvish, and usually the one who makes me laugh a lot. She's smart, super nice, creative, and very kind to me.

After is Berethiel, or Táriel, as I call her more often (it's shorter, heehee). She's down-to-earth, clever, nice (how many times have I used that word?), and very artistic.

Then, there's Eraisuithiel (erm... I couldn't find her exact name translation, so I got the closest one). She's funny, really optimistic, sweet, and an expert texter. She and I love to chat on the phone for an hour or so during the weekend.

Eraisuithiel's sister's name is Saerwen. She's a lot like her sister. She is nice and very cheerful.
*~*~*~*~*

Seeing how I have described my friends, I believe I am quite lucky to have them as my friends. We share common interests, have lots of fun together, and enjoy each other's friendship. I wouldn't be who I am without them. For all they've done for me, I'd like to give them a huge THANK YOU and a big hug. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

~~ Eruanne

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2004-12-31T16:54:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone will have a new year blessed with happiness and prosperity!

~~ Eruanne

Pal Problems

2004-12-28T07:42:00.000+08:00

Did you ever have a fight with a friend because you like hanging with out his/her best friend? Well, it's happened to me, and is still ongoing. So, I'm sharing my thoughts here... maybe that will give me some consolation... *sigh*

Okay, it all started like this. My friend (let's call her Idhrenniel, it's her Elven name) let me join her group three months ago, which consisted of around 12 members. I was really happy, because their group was a really good and popular group.
For around two months, things were going well. Funny thing was, that not all the members of the group talked to me. Only Idhrenniel's best friend (let's call her KC) talked to me a lot. Eventually, my uneasiness grew, and I asked KC what was going on.
Well, in a phone call, she explained that the group members were getting really annoyed with me. I was shocked, because I used to think that we were all on really good terms. But I was thankful for KC, because she promised me that she still would be my friend.I wanted to clarify things up, so last month, I sent an email to Idhrenniel asking her what was going on, and if anything was wrong, what I could do to put things back to normal. Well... I received a 23 kilobyte email listing the things they found annoying, with paragraph-long explanations. Some included my obsession of LOTR, my status in class, and even (get this) the way I breathe! Oh my gawd, I was just so shocked.
One of the reasons took up two to three paragraphs. Idhrenniel was angry with me because she claimed that I was stealing KC from her. Idhrenniel being the sort of "boss" of the group, all the other members of the group, except KC (thank God!), took her side. I wasn't even trying to take away KC from Idhrenniel. Idhrenniel didn't even want me to talk to KC anymore, even though it was obvious she was one of the people I trusted the most! I was really hurt. It turned out that the group had been holding a grudge against me for two and a half months!
Gathering all the control I could muster, I emailed a very polite, tight letter. I stated, "Okay, thanks for being honest with me. I'm out."
The week after that was one of the hardest I had to endure. I had to be polite to be out of courtesy, when all I wanted to do was clobber them for deceiving me, for pulling up my hopes, then pulling them down and making me fall with a mighty crash.
However, there was one member I was forever grateful to. KC. She noticed that I never ate with them during lunch anymore, I was so quiet, and I looked absolutely miserable when I had no choice but to group with them, for school projects or whatever. I poured everything out to her, and she was quite shocked. She asked me to forward to her the email Idhrenniel sent me. (Strangely, I kept it.) I did, and she felt really bad because she never knew. I am really thankful to her for standing by me when all this happened.
Now, three and a half months ever since I "joined" the group, the silence is still ongoing. I don't eat lunch with them, and I only talk to them when I absolutely had to, and I always used a formal, firm tone with them. Idhrenniel and I still have a cold atmosphere between us. I now hang with my closest friend (let's call her Manwathiel, I think it's her elven name) more often.

I hope that you didn't have to go through this before. I feel better now that I've let it out. I just want to let you know: If you think Friendship was easy, think again.

~~ Eruanne

I'M TOTALLY LOTR OBSESSED

2004-12-26T22:16:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's affirmative. I am totally LOTR obsessed. I took tons of quizzes that said so, all of my family and friends say so, even the Magic 8 Ball says so. Anyway, I took a Ringer Obsession Test at http://www.arwen-undomiel.com and I got the highest score! (100% is cheating according to the site. I got the next best, VALA!)

Here! Check it out!

I'm [YOUR OBSESSION PERCENT GOES HERE] obsessed. How obsessed are you?
The Ringer Obsession Test

TA-DA! See?

~~ Eruanne

P.S. If the pic doesn't show up.. sorry. This is my first blog and I'm not too sure on how to run it... any help is appreciated... THANKS!

The Last March of the Ents

2004-12-26T08:23:00.000+08:00

Hello again! Here's a poem I made, based on LOTR.

*********************************
The Last March of the Ents

The winds howl through the forest,
And up to the skies with many a star.
For a voice cries, that causes great unrest,
The Ents are going to war.

These woods have slept for many an age
,But evil has now gone too far.
One statement is whispered in the moss and sage,
The Ents are going to war.

"We go to war!" the Shepherds of the Forest cry out,
Into the cold and lonely night.
Their cries are heard by the leaping trout,
And the graceful birds in flight.

"Curunir has poisoned our land,
Oh, such treachery!" they say.
The other trees reply whilst they stand,
"Let us unite, to keep this curse at bay."

Under Treebeard's guide, the Ents go,
Towards the stronghold of Orthanc.
Their doom may be nearing, this they know,
As they near the Isen's river bank.

For weapons, the Ents use rock and stone,
To attack the Orcs and Uruk-hai.
The Ents make the grandest march the world has known,
While the sounds of battle echo through the sky.

These Tree-herders break the dam blocking the Isen's flow,
Oh, but no, they break it not piece by piece.
With their bare hands that had been given ages to grow,
The give the river its release.
This was indeed the greatest assault,
That Fangorn has ever made.
The released river filled every dungeon, pit, and vault,
While Saruman stood, dismayed.

Indeed, Nature has done its part,
In this tale of the War of the Ring.
And this is not its end, but neither the start,
For the end and beginning shall only come, when Elessar is King.

You may say that in these battles, only the Ents had to fight and do,
Ah, but that is not so, in the tale of this book.
For the Last March of the Ents had only been made true,
By two special Hobbits: Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took.
************************************
Tada! What do you think? Please reply! ^_~

Hello everyone!

2004-12-26T03:50:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone! Welcome to my blog, In the Middle of Middle-Earth. This is where you can go to read the makings of a wild LOTR child... ^_~
I would personally like to thank Antarel for inspiring me to make this blog. You can view her two blogs: The Realm of the Fire Guardian at http://vitaliana.blogspot.com/, and Remembering the Thorny Blossom at http://struggleofthestars.blogspot.com. You rock, Antarel!
Cheers!
~~ Eruanne

P.S. A very Merry Christmas and a Pippin New Year to all! *wink wink*